Born To Be Wild
by Lettheblacknessrollon
Summary: Sequel to Wild Thing. Takes place the following summer. Liz and Seth continue their crazy adventures.
1. The Introvert

**Chapter One - The Introvert**

_BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!_

I felt around for the off button on my alarm clock and pressed it. Luna climbed up my bed beside of me until she reached my face, vibrating everything with her wagging tail.

"Okay, okay," I croaked, my voice still mostly asleep like the rest of me. I pulled the silk cover away from my eyes and set it on my bedside table. I stretched for just a second and got up to open my bedroom door for her. She bolted from my room and through the doggy door and out to the back yard.

I dragged my feet through the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, unable to stop yawning over and over. I'd been up late the night before, putting together ideas for the potential new client I was supposed to be meeting today after a few previous failed attempts. I was told he was some kind of hot new thing - an artist in his twenties with money to burn. My boss seemed to have a crush on him, but I hadn't seen him yet so I wasn't sure if it was him or his bank account that she liked more.

I poured myself a cup of coffee, unable to miss the glitter of the diamond on my left hand. It had become a source of both happiness and unease, for reasons too hard to explain. It had been sitting pretty on that finger for about six months now, and our wedding date was approaching at the end of the summer.

To say that my life had changed was the understatement of the century. Hell, to say that _I _had changed was an understatement... I barely recognized myself anymore. As soon as that ring had wrapped itself around my tiny little finger, I became a different person. I had traded guitars and booze for a job and some panty-hose. The pressure I had placed myself under at the prospect of being a good wife was a heavy load to bear, but I was handling it as best as I could...

With a few small exceptions.

I was awake enough to function by my third cup, so I left it sitting at the table beside of my lit-up computer screen and got my things together to prepare for the day. Just as I was naked and about to step into the shower, my phone started going off. I almost got irritated - Who the hell calls somebody before seven in the morning? - But then I remembered that such a small number of people called me at all these days, and none of them would ring if it wasn't important.

"Hello, Sharon," I answered politely. Sharon was my boss and the biggest cougar I'd ever come across in my life. That was quite a feat when you considered I had grown up around Ana's mom.

"Elizabeth, I'm sorry honey but we have to cancel your meeting. Mark had to fly to Australia this morning on business. He should be back on Monday."

I tried to snuff out my own excitement before she crushed me, but I had to ask. "So... I have the day off?"

She giggled like a teenager. "Yes, you have the day off. But I want you to keep searching venues for him from home. I would have you come in anyways, but I think you've taken enough over time money from me as it is."

"I'll keep looking around, but I'm pretty sure I have the place nailed down. It would help a little if I could actually meet the guy..."

"You will - on Monday. Nine o'clock, I don't have to tell you not to be late. Enjoy your weekend."

She hung up, and I jumped into my steamy shower and contemplated my plans for the day. Seth was at work, so that was out. Ana was at work, but I hadn't seen her in at least a week and I could always drop by Snow Goose. She had bought the place with some - well, alot - of help from me, right after the owner kicked the bucket, and she had even changed the name to Ana Beth Books. She was attached to it, but it was never very busy.

I entered her store a little before nine, and she looked up from staring off into space.

"Lizzy!" she greeted, excited. She came out from behind the counter and hugged me tightly. "Why aren't you at work?"

"Got the day off. I guess Mark St. Claire isn't as good at upholding meetings as he is at painting things." I rolled my eyes, annoyed with him; this was the third time he had flaked on me, and I didn't believe that anyone was quite that busy. Did this dude want an awesome party or not?

She pulled back and smirked at me. "Have you seen his picture?"

"No. Have you?"

"I Googled him," she answered with a shrug of her shoulders. "Want to see? He is gorgeous."

"Yeah, I've heard, but I'll wait until I meet him to see what he looks like and everything else. I wouldn't want to form an opinion before I figure out what he's like for myself."

"You won't be disappointed once you do get to meet him. The man oozes sex appeal..." She was getting all googly eyed on me.

I laughed. "I don't care. He's just a job."

She waggled her brows and I rolled my eyes.

"He's just a client," I corrected. "A way to make money. I'll throw him his party, and then I'm sure I'll never see him again."

"Have you seen any of his work?"

We started walking towards the counter. "Yeah, he's definitely talented. Is Josh upstairs?"

Ana had a loft above the store that she lived in now, and Josh wasn't technically moved in but he came and went as he - or, as _she _- pleased. I think he wanted to live there for real, but Ana enjoyed having a little space of her own for the time being. I, personally, never would have lived up there, not after Miss Weinstein met her demise in what was now Ana's bedroom. I joked with her all the time and was maybe even starting to convince her that the place was haunted.

"No, he dipped out this morning."

"You still have some of that herb?" I whispered, just in case there was a customer hidden amongst the rows of books.

A smile lit her features - She loved it when a little of the old me started to show through my careful facade. She nodded her head and went over to lock the door, then dragged me up the stairs. As we got closer to the second floor, I heard a very surprising sound coming from her apartment.

I stopped on a step. "Is someone else up there?"

"No," she answered, looking confused. She smiled when she heard what had stopped me: There was moaning and skin slapping going on up there. The unmistakable sounds of sex.

She continued up the stairs and burst into her apartment, smiling like a goof. The noise went on without pause, so I went ahead and followed her. She sat down on the couch and hit a button on her remote.

"Sorry," she said as the porn on the screen went black. "We had a fun night."

I almost allowed myself to be fake, to act surprised or appalled, or even disgusted. I shook that off, because with Ana I could always be my real self instead of keeping up this game. I was still inside of this body... Somewhere.

I plopped down beside of her as she started rolling up a blunt. "Turn it back on," I said, verging on embarassment.

She studied me for a quick moment and then hit another button on her remote. I could hear the carousel in her player rotating, and then a different video began. This one was clearly a gay porn, and I was guessing she didn't watch this one with her boyfriend.

I stared blankly at the beginning as she twisted up what we were about to smoke, until one of the guys asked the other, "Would you mind... opening my package? My hands are full." And then I busted out laughing.

"Do you realize how long it's been since I watched anything this cheesy?" I asked as she lit up.

"You mean this _sexy!_" she replied, her lungs full of pot smoke.

My eyes refused to remove themselves from the screen as she handed me the blunt to hit. "The last time - " I had to blow it out before it choked me to death, "That I saw a man naked at all was a couple of months ago when I accidentally busted you and Josh in his car," I admitted. "And I didn't particularly enjoy that. Except for the leash, that was a nice touch."

She doubled over laughing at the memory. "You should have seen the look on Seth's face when he came over there to figure out what had you so freaked!" she exclaimed. "Put your pants on! And he's not your doggy, Ana!" She mimicked Seth's voice.

We kept laughing and smoking until we finally calmed down.

I sighed as I passed back to her. "I miss having sex..."

She snorted. "I miss you having sex, too. You're so wound up anymore." She inhaled her hit and said I could have the rest and that I needed it more than her. I couldn't argue with that logic.

"Once the wedding is over with, I can have sex again. I can be naughty... in that way." I pointed at the screen with my free hand. "I'll be able to do that again," I giggled.

"Speaking of, what are you doing until then? Are we hitting up All Good?"

The smile dropped from my face. "I don't think so. I have to work and plan and all of that fun stuff," I replied sarcastically.

"Well, what about coming to the Transmission show with me next weekend?" she pushed.

I shook my head no.

"Why not?" she asked, sounding close to offended. "Liz, they're our friends!"

They were our friends, had been for years. They were also fucking psychopaths... Even if, once upon a time, I'd been able to outdo them in that way. One of them had been locked up in the pen for shooting a man in his genitals. If they saw me, they were going to expect somebody that I couldn't be anymore.

"I just... I can't handle it. If I go to a show I want to let loose, especially if it's at a bar."

"And?"

"Come on, Ana," I pleaded. This was not the first time we'd had this type of conversation... She'd been trying like crazy to pull the old me back out to the surface.

"Seth doesn't care if you go out every now and then and have a good time," she pointed out.

"I know that, but I care. I'm getting married! I can't be that person anymore."

"I fucking _love _that person."

"I know, but... think about all of the married couples that we know. The ones that party aren't ever serious. The ones that are serious go to church and stuff like that. I can't let this be a fail, my life is depending on it."

"What life?" she asked, angry with me. She hated what I was now... and she wasn't the only one.

I was getting pissed off, so I defended myself. "Ana, Seth is my life! Don't put me down for it. I care about him more than anything, and it's going to kill me if I ever lose him!"

"What does it matter when you've already lost yourself?"

Her words were a slap in the face, bringing tears to my eyes. I wasn't mad at her for saying it, because she was just mirroring my own thoughts back to me. I hated that she was right.

I jumped up from my seat and grabbed my designer purse, the one that perfectly matched my designer clothes, shoes, jewelry and sunglasses today. It made me sick to see myself dressed up as someone that I so clearly was not.

"Well, thanks for the weed." I stomped away and let myself out.

"Liz!" she called before I shut the door. I waited for a moment, then decided it wasn't worth it. The one thing I had kept from who I once was had to be my ignorant pride.

I went down the stairs and out the door, started my car and didn't look back. I tried not to cry, but I couldn't stop myself. That was the first time in a very long time that we had fought with eachother, and now that it was over I wanted to hug her and apologize. I didn't - I drove home instead. I noticed on the way that the radio was on, playing some Katy Perry puke that people called music. It made me cry more, realizing how far away I had become from my own self.

I had nothing to do to kill time once I got back to my house. It was only noon... Nothing amused me anymore. I got online and checked my mail, but it was all either people I barely knew telling me and the company that I worked for thank you, or people that I no longer knew asking me what had happened to me. I'd disappeared off the face of the world - or my world, anyways - and I was getting tired of telling everyone that I was fine, I'd just straightened my ass out and was getting married.

Married; How had I ever thought this was going to be so easy? How long could I fake my way through life? It had only been a few months and was already starting to wear on me. I used to spend so much time and energy trying to come to terms with who I was, and now I couldn't handle being someone that I wasn't. I used to have to defend myself all the time for the choices I made, and I still had to even though I was doing everything right, living by the book.

Was I ever going to be happy?

**Seth's POV**

Liz was sitting on the couch when I came home, a scowl on her beautiful face. That seemed to be a default expression for her anymore, though today it seemed more pronounced... She had changed alot since I had known her. Everything had changed.

I kissed her head and sat down beside of her. She made a visible effort to smile and just couldn't manage it, and my heart hurt for her. I knew she hated her life now, and I had to shoulder some of that blame. I had never asked her to be this picture perfect cookie cutter type of girl, but she thought that's what she needed to be if we were going to be serious about our marriage. She had turned into a different person because she thought she had to for me.

She didn't realize she had been perfect the way that she was.

She finally looked at me instead of staring blankly at the floor. "Hungry?"

My stomach growled at the thought. I smiled at her, but she didn't smile back. She got up and went into the kitchen, then came back with four sandwiches, already made for me.

I stared at the plate in my hands. "Is something wrong, baby?"

She sighed. "I had a fight with Ana this morning."

"What about?"

She was already shaking her head before I could finish the question. "I don't want to talk about it," she said.

That kind of answer was not unusual, but it cut me up still. She was distant, and I had no clue as to how I could get her close to me again. I knew exactly what the problem was, but that didn't provide me with any kind of solution for it.

I bit into my sandwich. "Thank you," I told her with my mouth full, trying as I always did to get a genuine smile out of her. I failed.

She made a disgusted face at me. "I'm really tired... I'm going to take a nap."

She started walking away as I called, "Love you!" after her.

I _did _love her, but she was driving me completely nuts. I loved the real her, the fun loving, carefree, musically adept, crazy girl that she had buried inside of her own skin. I was not the biggest fan of workaholic, boring, crabby Liz. Of course I loved her no matter what, but I was dying to catch a glimpse of the girl I had fallen for.

The first thing she had changed was starting her stupid job. She didn't need the money, but she had this idea that we needed to be rich for _me _to be happy, and that was insane. It didn't seem like a big deal at first; Planning parties seemed perfect for her. But it wasn't long before she was buried under her workload, and the other changes followed close after that one.

She'd changed her look for work, going from band t-shirts and ripped jeans to pencil skirts and blazers that hid her tattoos. Even when she was just relaxing at home, she was in something that you would see in a magazine... Her pajamas were designer names, for fuck's sake. She had stopped going out, except every now and then when she'd sneak over to Ana's and smoke some pot. She didn't know I knew she still smoked, and she also failed to realize that I didn't care; I actually preferred my stoner Liz to what I had now. I wish she would smoke more, get drunk again, do _anything _besides bury her personality and mope around all the time.

Sitting in this room even showed me the difference in her. Gone were all paintings, pictures of friends, posters and comfortable furniture, replaced with framed words of inspiration about love, ugly lamps and a leather couch that had cost some people's life savings, even though it was like sitting on a rock. Nothing about this house reflected who she was anymore, only who she was faking being.

She didn't talk to anyone anymore. She didn't play guitar or even listen to music anymore. She didn't watch the same movies or television shows. She didn't even curse anymore!

I had tried everything I could think of to get her back to herself, but she wasn't having it. I imagined she was imprisoned inside of her mind while a robot took over her body, almost like possession. I was glad that she cared enough about being with me that she would do all of these things, but she refused to recognize that I would much rather have the old, wild Liz than this person that was now inhabiting her.

Maybe it wouldn't bother me so much if these changes had made her happy. Her misery came through every second, even if she wasn't intending to show it. She was repressed, and she was doing it to herself.

I wasn't sure if I would ever get her back.


	2. Dried Up, Tied And Dead To The World

**A/N: Excuse the slow start. I'll have longer and more detailed chapters as I go along. And please, give me some feedback! I need to know what you all think!**

**Chapter Two - Dried Up, Tied And Dead To The World**

I went into work on Monday five minutes early and with a convincing fake smile plastered to my face, same as usual. I wouldn't say that I hated my job; It was pretty cool most of the time, but I hated the fact that I _had _a job when I didn't need one. I could have stuck to making music and paintings and jewelry and customized t-shirts, but I chose a steady income that was unnecessary over those things. I greeted the receptionist on my way to the elevator, relaxed my expression for the few minutes that I was alone, then put my game face back on as the ding sounded and the doors opened.

"Elizabeth!" Sharon said happily, coming towards me as her heels clicked against the beatiful tile.

My client had actually decided to show today, which meant I had alot of work ahead of me. He was smiling at me, so I returned the gesture to be kind and introduced myself. He was tall and built, tan with medium skin, hair and eyes. We shook hands and introduced ourselves, but he kept staring and it started to make me a little uncomfortable.

"Well..." I said to him after the small talk and Sharon were out of the way. "I have a few places to show you today, Mr. St. Claire."

"Oh, Liz, please. Call me Mark."

I stared at the lapel of his suit for a long time, not wanting to meet his eyes but surprised that he had called me Liz. Sharon preferred that I go by my full name, because it was more professional sounding.

"Alright then, Mark. My car, or yours?"

We started back for the elevator together. "I never turn down a lady offering me a ride," he said as the doors closed us in. "I do have one request, though."

"What would that be?"

"Well, two, actually. The first is that I choose the tunes. The second is that you let me treat the two of us to lunch. I know we were supposed to have met a while ago, so I'd like to make it up to you."

He was either a gentleman or a creeper, but he seemed to be sincere.

"That's fine with me," I replied.

We went out to my silver Lexus, and he whistled at it before he opened the door. "Nice," he complimented. "Doesn't really seem like you, but this is a fine machine."

I ignored his comment and said thank you as we got in the car and drove off. He plugged his Ipod up to the stereo and scrolled through until a song started playing. He had managed to surprise me again - he actually had good taste in music. It was fucking Antichrist Superstar.

Maybe he was playing a part, just like I was.

"You like Manson?" he asked, his voice strange to me.

I giggled. "Are you serious? Of course I love him! I've met him before," I told him proudly.

"I know," he replied, smiling at himself.

I glanced at him, question in my eyes.

"I looked you up online," he revealed. "I have to say, you're really not what I expected from what I saw."

"What _did_ you expect?"

"Honestly, I thought you would be dressed a bit differently. And I thought you would act more..."

"Like a party girl?" I asked, hiding my shock at the fact that he had cracked me; There was a very real smile tugging up the corners of my mouth.

He laughed and started playing with his phone. Then he showed me a picture of myself; I was standing in the livingroom at Darrell's house with his band in the background, puffing on a two foot tall bong.

If I was the type to blush, I would have the reddest face on Earth right then. He could rat on me and cause me to lose my job over that!

"Don't be embarassed," he quickly amended. "You're not the only one here that has to put on a show to remain professional. I won't tell anyone."

I stopped at a light and studied him for a second... Ana had been right about how attractive he was. That wasn't what was intriguing to me about him, though.

"What do you say instead of lunch, we ride around and smoke a little?" he offered, managing to surprise me once again. Who _was _this guy?

I started to giggle. "I don't have any."

"I do." I could hear the smirk in his voice.

I should have said no. I was supposed to be working, and I didn't just hang out with guys anymore. But the offer was so tempting... It was more than just getting stoned in the middle of the day. It was a chance to drop Elizabeth for a short time and be Liz again. And during work hours!

"Okay."

He clapped his hands in excitement. "Awesome!"

I liked Mark more as the day went on. He was smart and laid back, liked good music and art and seemed to just get me, even through the mask I wore. It didn't hurt that he was nice to look at. We checked out three different venues before lunch, and he hated them all. I hated them too, though I wouldn't admit that since it defeated the purpose of him paying me the big bucks.

By the time lunch rolled around, he seemed like less of a client and more of an old friend. Something about him was so personable... I couldn't not talk to him and be real to him. It wasn't a conscious effort on my part, it was just some effect his personality was having on me. I felt closer to being myself today than I had in months.

We were in Seattle, and we stopped at a park. It was hot outside, and I was starting to sweat which was gross. I had to take my blazer off to stay outside.

"Now _that _is more what I expected," he said, pointing at my corset top and now visible tattoos.

"Sorry, it's just way too hot out here for that."

"No apologies." He tossed his suit coat into the car and shut the door. "Honestly, I hate wearing shit like this."

"Then why do you?"

"Why do you?" he countered.

"Because, I'm at work right now. _I _am working for _you. _You can wear whatever you want."

"I have to make a good impression, don't I?" He started to laugh as we walked down a trail together. "I make alot of deals, and I learned early on that the grungy artist type doesn't get any gallery openings. It's hard enough with my past, you know?"

He found a spot and stopped, almost sitting down. He chose standing instead, either for the sake of my outfit or his, and he sparked a very fat, cone shaped joint.

"I don't know anything about your past." I had made it a point not to, but now I was getting curious.

"Really? You didn't Google me or anything?"

I giggled at him, causing him to smile at me in a very flattering way. "No, I didn't want to read anything about you before I got to meet you... Especially since I already thought you might be a flake for never showing up when you were supposed to."

"Ouch," he said, holding his chest. "No, I deserve that." He passed the spliff to me, and I was glad he also had good taste in pot.

"Goo Berry?" I asked as the flavor of it rolled around in my mouth.

He smirked and nodded his head, looking away from me. "You certainly are something..."

We smoked in silence for a few minutes, and it was comfortable. I was curious about his past, but it wasn't my place to ask and I still didn't want to read others' opinions of him on the internet.

"I used to be a junkie," he suddenly revealed. He peeked over at me, waiting for a reaction that never came. He smiled, but not in a happy way. "I'm sorry, you probably don't want to hang out with me now."

That one got the shock he'd been waiting for. "Are you kidding? Do I really seem like that kind of person?"

My question made me frown, because I realized then that I _did _seem like that kind of person. Most of the new people in my life would think I was what I was pretending to be. Mark was the first one I had let my guard down for in such a long time.

I smiled again and touched his shoulder, brushing past my own unease. "Don't feel bad, I danced with the devil myself. For years and years."

He stared at me, cocking an eyebrow up skeptically. "You were a drug addict?"

"I never got really bad off, but that's just dumb luck. I've done enough drugs in a day to bring down a full grown rhinoceros."

His smile was kind. "How did you stop?"

I wiggled my perfectly manicured fingers at him, showing off my ring.

"Wow... wow," he said, unable to shift his gaze away from it for a long moment. "I had to do outpatient rehab for two years," he chuckled. "So, when is your big day?" He flicked the joint roach away.

"August first."

He studied me as I studied my feet. "Any particular reason why you say that like it's the date you know you're going to die?"

I seriously considered, just for a second, pouring out my heart to this almost stranger. "I'm just kind of scared." So scared that I couldn't even begin to think about all of it, to think about my own future.

"Who's the lucky guy?"

"His name is Seth Clearwater," I said, and this time I was able to smile without trying. Seth wasn't what I was scared of.

We started back towards the car as he said, "Tell me about him."

"Well... He's Quileute. He's tall and dark and much too gorgeous for me. And he's the kindest, sweetest and gentlest man I've ever met in my life."

"Sounds like a good guy."

"He really is... I don't deserve him."

**Seth's POV**

When I came in from work, I almost dropped what I was carrying and ran to see if someone had broken into Liz's house. Her car was here, and there was music blaring from inside. I couldn't remember the last time I had come home to that, or even the last time I had heard her jam for that matter.

I relaxed before I got through the door - I could hear her singing. She never sang anymore. _Ever. _It was so beautiful that I stood there listening for a few moments, because I figured when I went inside and she noticed me, she would stop.

As I came through the livingroom, an awesome variety of smells assaulted my senses and made me drool a little bit.

"Baby!" Liz said, smiling her beautiful smile for me. She crossed the room and gave me a hug, then turned and went back to the stove.

I loved that she was so happy, but it kind of freaked me out. What had changed now?

"You're in a good mood today," I commented as I sat down on one of the high bar stools.

She clicked the eyes of the stove off and I got up to help her set the table. We never ate in here anymore, like it wasn't formal enough for us now since we'd gone all hoity-toity with everything else. It was nice to be able to now, because I didn't like formal. I liked comfortable.

"Taste this." She didn't give me a chance to react; When I opened my mouth to ask her what, she stuck a spoonful of mashed potatoes in there.

Now she was joking with me? Who the hell was this girl, and what had she done to my girlfriend? Oh, excuse me, _fiance._ I needed to know so I could thank them.

"Holy shit!" I said before taking another bite out of the big serving bowl. They were like smooth, potatoey heaven in my mouth. I stuck my finger in there, either because I wasn't thinking or because I was testing her. She didn't say _anything. _She didn't even slap my hand away!

She went to the cabinet and came back with paper plates. Paper!

"Okay, what happened to you?" I waved my paper plate in her face. I was bordering on being pissed off, just out of sheer confusion. "Are you high or something?"

"Would you care if I was?" She cocked an eyebrow at me.

She was different. I could see the light burning in her eyes again, the light that had remained snuffed for so long until now. What the fuck happened to her?

"No." We both started piling our dinner onto our plates, and I got distracted and started to drool again. She had made steak, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and some kind of vegetable mix that still looked appetizing somehow. I didn't usually like veggies. "Seriously, what happened today?" I said with my mouth full. "The suspense is killing me."

"Mark showed up. Finally."

_Mark?_ I wasn't sure if the way she was smiling about that was a good thing or if I should start following her to work from now on.

"Does he shit golden eggs or something?" I meant it as a joke, but it came out a little rougher than planned.

She giggled anyways. "He was actually really cool. He's like... my friend? I guess."

I couldn't help but to feel jealous. How come this other guy could make her smile and I never could? How had he gotten her to stop withdrawing into herself so much when I had been trying my damndest for months and months with no result? And then of course there was the fact that I had searched him online - I knew what the guy looked like. I was nowhere near being gay, but the man was attractive, even I had to admit.

Was he moving in on my girl?

"Seth?" She waited a minute without me answering and then giggled again. "Oh my god, are you jealous?"

"No!" I put another bite of food in my mouth and swallowed hard. "Yes."

"Don't be," Was her brilliant response.

"Why does _he_ make you so happy?" The better - and scarier - question was, why didn't I?

She lowered her head like she was ashamed, and I wished I hadn't said anything. She kept eating in silence, looking like a robot. She would scoop up a bite of food, place it in her mouth, chew, and repeat. She refused to look at me again.

"Liz, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that."

"No, I was just being stupid."

She finished most of her food, slid off her chair and dumped the rest into Luna's bowl. She turned off the music, then stalked out of the kitchen and into her room, shutting the door behind her.

I wanted to cry. What was this? She didn't even care enough to argue with me now. I would have gotten down on my knees and begged her just to fight with me at this point! Not because I enjoyed it, but because the girl that I had met would never take anything from anyone laying down. She would defend herself, even if it was clear to her and everyone else that she was wrong. She would do _something! _

It was clear now that the real her was hiding under that skin somewhere. But where? Would I ever find out? Or was everything I missed so much only for someone else now?


	3. Love?

**A/N: Sorry for the delay.  
>Warning for this chapter. There are naughty things at work.<strong>

**Chapter Three - Love? (Ana's POV)**

I was missing Lizzy like crazy. It felt like a piece of _me _was missing, had for awhile now. This whole thing started long before the little fight that we had... Months ago. As soon as she had gotten engaged, she morphed into someone that I no longer recognized. And the worst part about it was that the change was mostly just a show - She was acting, playing a role of some dull wifey chick and she was completely miserable because of it.

It was easy to see how different she was, for anyone that had known her at all before the bullshit started. But I knew her better than anyone, and I could see how deep this was going. She had gotten so into the part she was playing that it went beyond her appearance and her behavior. It was affecting the way that she viewed things, changing her at the core.

I hated it when I could see her shoving down something she started to feel because it didn't jibe with how she thought she was _supposed _to feel. Hated watching words come right to the tip of her tongue before she cut them off.

I wanted to blame this all on Seth... If he was pushing her to change, I would have someone to fault, someone to be angry at. But I caught the way he looked at her when she was all clammed up and locked away. He was missing her as badly as I was. Hell, _she _was missing herself as much as anyone else was.

I had thought she was coming back when she wanted to smoke weed again. She made me swear not to tell Seth - which was ridiculous, he didn't give a fuck - and I had assumed that if this part of her was resurfacing, the rest was bound to follow.

I was wrong.

She had thought something similar to what I had. She thought she could be herself in little doses, but hide herself from Seth. What she had failed to recognize was that who she was had nothing to do with smoking weed or any other form of partying... Those weren't the parts of her that needed to start showing through again.

She was trying to stop being a party girl and had lost so much more along the way. It was like... Like she thought she had to give everything else up, every part of her personality because she somehow tied all of those things back to drugs and alcohol.

I think part of the reason she saw it that way was because this was the only avenue she had never really tried before. I'd seen her stop using everything at different points over the years and not change anything else, and she had always gone back to her old ways. Maybe she thought that unless she switched up everything about her life, it was always going to be the never ending party.

Honestly, I could give a fuck less if she wanted to get high sometimes. If she became a full blown addict, then we would have a problem but I didn't have any issue with her trying to catch a buzz now and then. And in the same way, I didn't give a shit if she wanted to stop doing all of that stuff. Just not at the cost of losing herself in the process.

Liz was _very _smart. She was funny. She was caring, insightful, passionate, philosophical, creative, adventurous and extremely opinionated. _Those _were the most important parts of her. Those were the things that she had buried inside of herself, the things that we were all missing the most about her.

She had spent the last few months in a shell. She was quiet and nervous all the time, keeping her thoughts and her feelings tucked out of sight.

I never enjoyed fighting with her, but that last one had struck a happy chord with me. Not because I had hurt her feelings, but because I had managed to make her angry. I had actually gotten a real reaction out of her! To see that flare of anger light up her eyes, to catch her slipping out of her shell for that teeny, tiny moment... It gave me hope that she would be her again.

"Ana?"

I spun around and half-smiled at Josh. "Morning, babe."

He stepped forward and hugged me up in his warm arms, but it wasn't all that comforting. I never allowed it to be.

He kissed my forehead. "I guess I should be heading out in a minute. Could we... talk about something before I go, though?"

He sounded nervous, instantly putting me on guard. I guess I was always on guard with him... I had very carefully built up walls when it came to him, a way to keep him out and protect myself simultaneously.

"Okay," I shrugged, playing nonchalant as I always did with him.

"I love you," he said fiercely. He told me this alot, but I wasn't sure if I believed him, and I never returned the gesture. Sometimes I asked myself if I did love him, but I refused to let myself answer, even in the privacy of my own brain.

He waited awhile for a response that never came. Finally, he sighed.

"These sleepovers would be a hell of alot easier on me if I could start leaving some of my things here."

I wrapped my arms around my chest. "No."

"Ana..."

"Josh, you know the deal with me. Let's not pretend to be something that we're not."

"How can you still act that way after all this time? We've _been _pretending to be something that we're not this whole time! Why not stop it now and be real?"

I smirked at him. "Well, why don't you enlighten me? What are we, in your eyes?"

"We are a couple, for starters. We've been together for almost a year now."

I shook my head. "We're not a couple. We just have sex."

"Have you had sex with anyone else since you've known me?"

His question hit a nerve. "Why, have you?"

I shouldn't have asked. I didn't want to know. If he had, it would hurt... And I wasn't completely sure that I would be able to hide my reaction from him. And if he hadn't, then that meant that he really did care about me. This wasn't something I was willing to face.

"Of course I haven't!"

His answer was such a relief, but I had to forget the feeling as soon as I realized what it was.

"Have you?" He asked again.

I rolled my eyes. "Be serious. You would know about it if I had... You would sense it. And probably smell it."

"And end up killing someone over it. Have you even felt attracted to another man since you met me, Ana? Be honest."

I moved one of my hands to cover my face. "This is getting ridiculous..." I couldn't admit something like that to him. I was struggling to even admit it to myself. Why had I blocked other men out, knowing that my relationship with Josh was nothing but physical pleasure? Didn't I want to find someone I could have something real with?

"Answer me," he demanded.

I wanted to lie. Instead, I searched my head for a truth that would have the same effect.

"If you're asking me if I don't notice other men anymore, then you should know that I do."

"Bullshit," he spat. "Name one."

"I didn't say I was on a name basis with anyone male. Just that I still notice when one is good looking."

"Thinking that someone is good looking and being attracted to them are two different things. Have you seen any men that you thought were good looking and considered talking to them? Getting to know them? Having any sort of relationship with them, physical or otherwise?"

"Josh, what is the point of all of this?" I asked, my voice rising as my temper did. "Why does it matter if I have noticed anyone else or not? It doesn't change the way that I feel about you... Or the way that I _don't _feel about you."

He recoiled like I'd slapped the shit out of him. I almost went to him - hugged him and apologized for hurting him. I knew it was best that I didn't. It was better for him to think that I didn't care about him at all, aside from his body.

"How would it make you feel if I found someone else to spend my nights with?" He was grasping at straws, pulling all the punches to gain a reaction out of me.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Have at it."

"You really wouldn't mind at all?"

As I watched his gorgeous face, the pain in his eyes turned to something else. Something I could only describe as malicious.

"It wouldn't bother you if I were pulling away the clothes of another woman? Kissing her, touching her body... Entering someone else, my name on _her_ lips instead of yours?"

Pain ricocheted through my insides as I pictured this scenario. Beside the hurt, there was anger. It caused me to slip on my well practiced self control.

"Get the fuck out of my sight," I growled through clenched teeth. "You want to stick your dick in some strange? Go right ahead. But don't expect to ever do the same with me again."

Despite my fury, an exulted and victorious smile lit his features.

"I knew it! I knew you cared..."

I went to him and pushed his arms away from me when he went for a hug. I hadn't meant to give him this hope, and I needed to squash it before he got too out of hand.

I started pushing him towards the door.

"Get out!" I yelled.

I wasn't strong enough to move him, but he had the good sense to start backing up as I pushed at his chest.

"Ana Belle, please," he said as I reached behind him and opened the door. "Don't do this right now! We were just starting to make progress."

"You need to progress yourself home. Or to work, or where ever."

He sighed sadly as he backed over the threshold. I shut the door in his face and then stood there for a moment. I took a step and pressed my face against the hard wood before turning around and sinking to the floor.

"Baby, please let me back in," he pleaded with me through the door. "I didn't mean what I said - I would never be with anyone but you. I could never want anyone but you."

I was desperate to do what was right; To open the door and throw myself into his arms, to tell him that I did care about him and was sorry for all of the months of distance.

But I couldn't. I wouldn't allow myself to. It was best that I just let him go... Maybe he would find someone else, someone that could love him and treat him right since I was so incapable. Someone that wouldn't just use him and play games with him like I did.

I heard him sigh. "I love you so much, Ana Belle. Please don't forget that." He sighed again, defeated, before I felt the emptiness he had left behind him.

Knowing I was alone, that there was no chance of discovery, the tears began.

I made it through my work day in a daze. I had to fake smile a few times for customers, even chattered happily with them as they made their purchases. I had so much on my mind that it was actually a relief to have to act normal instead of just focusing on it. And I was a good actor - it was something I had picked up from Liz a long time ago, but I had mastered the art in ways that she hadn't. My eyes were much less likely to betray me as hers did.

By the time I closed up, I at least had something of a plan formed in my head. First, I was going to try to work things out with Liz. Fighting with her was making me sad, and sadness came out of me in the form of crabbiness. After I tried my best with that situation, I was going to head over to Josh's house and try to fix the damage from this morning. Or... I was actually just going to go over there and try to make us both pretend that this morning never happened. I wanted to go back to the emotionless physical relationship we had been enjoying until earlier.

I knew that I cared deeply for Josh... I just didn't need for _him _to know that. If he realized he had power over me, that meant I would be the vulnerable one - the one most likely to get hurt.

I still questioned his feelings and his commitment for me. If something changed and he went his own way, which I saw as a very likely possibility, it would hurt that much more to add my own humiliation to the equation of pain it was going to cause me. If he knew he was taking something important away from me, he would probably laugh in my face as he ran off with whoever else.

That was another thing, too; some piece of me felt that part of the reason my hold over him seemed so tight was because he _didn't _know how I felt towards him. I had made myself into a forbidden fruit of sorts to him, thus becoming irresistible.

Would he want me so badly if he knew that I was already his?

I dialed Liz's number as I headed through the lot to my car. She answered after just one ring, like she'd already had the phone in her hand.

"We're psychic," she said with a laugh. "I was just about to call you."

"I'm sorry about the other day."

"I'm sorry, too. What's up?" she asked, referring to my tone.

"It's nothing, just had a stupid fight with Josh. I think I've just been mad at myself for being a bitch to you. It's making me lash out."

"You weren't a bitch, you were just being honest. And it's not like I haven't thought those things on my own, anyways... But don't worry about Josh. You guys will work it out, whatever it is."

"Liz... If I tell you some more honesty, will you not get mad?"

She paused for a moment. "I'll try," she promised.

"I just... I know what's best for you!" The words started to burst forth, coming too quickly for me to edit them into making sense. "What's best for you is that you're happy, and right now you are so unhappy that it makes me want to puke. I don't want you to do anything that you don't want to do. This isn't about you needing to get high or anything. It's about being yourself, with or without those other things. You're months away from getting married to the man of your dreams... This should be the happiest time in your life and you're ruining it for yourself because you're scared you or Seth are going to see a side of you that you don't like. But you're cutting away all of the best parts of yourself in the process, and... and... I just miss you so much."

"I hear what you're saying," she finally said after a long silence. "And I _am _trying to find that balance... A way to be myself and be happy all at the same time. But you need to know that a big part of that happiness is dependant on you. It'd never be complete without."

"I'm always here, no matter how many stupid arguments we may get into."

She giggled, and the sound healed a piece of me I hadn't realized was so broken.

"Good."

"Hey, you should come and stay the weekend with me!" I said as I was hit with an idea. "I've got an old friend stopping by. We could watch movies or go shopping... Whatever you'd like."

"What friend?" she inquired as I was coming to a stop beside of Josh's truck.

"It will be a surprise," I covered. Truthfully, if I told her who was coming, she'd probably avoid my place like the plague. But, as adverse as she was to him, he always got her laughing and he would remind her of home.

"Is it Darrell?" She tried again.

"No... Will you come?"

She sighed. "Yeah. I'll see you on Saturday."

"Awesome! I have to go, I'm at Josh's now. Love you!"

"Love you, too."

I blew her kisses and flipped my phone shut before tossing it in my bag.

Josh was standing just inside of his open door as I approached his home, but he did not look all that happy to see me. He kept his face carefully blank, and we both remained silent as he shut the door behind me.

I didn't know where to start or what to say or do... Maybe I should have planned this out better.

I pointed to the beer that he held between just two fingers. "Do you have any more of those?"

He disappeared for a moment and came back with a second drink for me. He said nothing as he handed it to me, then crossed the living room and sat down on the couch. I kicked my shoes off and followed after him.

"What are you watching?" I asked, just to make conversation. I usually didn't try to talk to him too much... Like words were too intimate for me.

What a fool I was when I put my mind to it.

He swigged his beer before answering. "Bill Maher."

"You like politics?"

"Not really."

"Then why..."

He sighed, and I chugged half of my drink just to stop the dryness that had formed in my mouth.

"Ana, why are you here?"

"The same reason I'm ever here..." I mumbled.

He glared down at me. "Well excuse me for not being in the mood for _that._"

"Why not? I'm giving you exactly what you want from me!"

"Sex is the very last thing that I want from you."

"Just... kiss me." My voice broke at the end.

He turned his head, sharp and abrupt. "No."

At the rejection, my wall suddenly crumbled to dust. I stared at his profile, taking in his beauty as I realized the biggest mistake I had made with him. Keeping him in the dark about my true emotions hadn't kept him chasing after me for long... Instead, it had blown up in my face and damaged what he felt for me. And I hadn't protected myself like I had thought I was. It hurt, all the same, maybe more so since I could only blame this loss on myself.

I figured I should leave now, but I didn't trust myself to walk or drive. I pulled my knees up into my chest and concentrated on breathing, something that had suddenly become difficult.

I felt his warm fingertips brush my hair from my face before wrapping under my chin.

"Oh, Ana," he whispered. "I'm sorry. Please don't cry."

I hadn't even realized that I was.

"No. I'm sorry," I responded quietly.

He lowered his head, but not before I caught the look of anguish in his dark eyes.

"Don't be," he said. "It's not your fault. You can't force yourself to feel something for me that you don't, no matter how much I wish you could."

His pain worsened my own, and my resolve formed instantly.

"I do feel it."

He sighed, but looked back at me. "Don't do that. Don't lie to me to make me feel better - "

"I'm not lying to you. I've _been _lying to you... for so long now. I was being stupid and scared and childish, but I know better now."

He looked hopeful for a moment, then switched to intrigued. "What have you been scared of?"

It took me a few moments to answer. "Can you try to see this from my side?"

He nodded and held my gaze steadily.

"The only time in my life that I found someone to love, he died. Your mortality isn't really something I have to worry about, but... If you left me for some other reason, I'm not sure that I could take it. I thought that if I tried not to have feelings for you, then it wouldn't hurt as much when I couldn't have you anymore."

He blinked a few times as his face changed again. He looked completely stunned.

And then suddenly, I was in his arms. He held my face to his shoulder, placed his lips to my ear.

""I will _never, never _leave you Ana Belle," he whispered with intensity. "As long as you'll have me, I'll be there."

I was surprised to realize that I actually believed him. My heart rejoiced as his promise filled up a hole inside that I hadn't known was there. Because I _didn't _need to worry about losing him the way I had lost Vince, and I didn't need to worry about him picking up and walking out on me, either.

Being with someone always constituted something of a risk - there aren't any guarantees in life. But the risk with Josh was miniscule, if not nonexistent. The imprint magic made sure of that.

"So... you meant what you said? About caring for me?" He ducked his head, readying himself for my answer.

I turned in his arms to face him.

"Let me make myself clear to you." I pecked his lips once, finding comfort there for a change. "Thinking of you and being around you makes me very happy. You are the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, and the last thought in my mind when I go to sleep. The idea of losing you scares the living shit out of me. So... In short, I'm very much in love with you."

It didn't scare me to say it. It felt _right, _after so much time spent doing things wrong.

His happiness was tangible, bubbling out of him and flowing through the air.

"And I love you," he said simply.

He tucked my face into his neck and rose from his seat. Less than a second later, he was laying me down on his gigantic bed. He hovered above me between my legs, kissing my lips before his trailed down along my throat.

I wanted him physically, especially since this would be the first time that we were making love instead of fucking. The feelings had always been there, but it was so much different when they were laid out on the table as they now were. Still... I wasn't sure that this was right.

"Josh... Are you sure that we should? I mean, I've technically been using you..."

A laugh rumbled deep in his chest as he lifted up one of my arms to lay his lips along it. "Well, excuse me for not being angry about the way that you chose to use me. Do you not want to?"

"Of course _I _do." My panties were already getting wet.

"I need this right now..." he purred. I knew this side of Josh well; the feral, desperate side of him that only I got to see since I was what he was desperate for. He peeled my pants away with one hand as his mouth attacked my neck again, and then he licked one finger before sliding it inside of me.

"Tell me that you love me," he commanded, his eyes locked to mine. He had never been the one in control before, and I found that I liked it.

I was panting already. "I love you," I managed to get out.

"Tell me that you want me to make love to you."

"I want you, baby," I gasped to him.

He pushed one of my knees towards my head and started circling my clit with his thumb. "Tell me that there's no one but me."

"Only... you," I swore.

"Tell me that you'll always be mine."

"Forever."

He removed his hand and pushed at my other knee in one swift movement, then plunged inside of me, filling me to the hilt. I moaned and he growled before his lips devoured mine.

His pace was slow, which was different for us; We were usually wild in bed, kinky even. But this wasn't us as what we had been. This was us being in love.

We held onto one another, him careful not to hurt me, me careless and allowing my nails to rip into the tender skin of his back. His weight pushed into me, his heat surrounded me. His name and God's fell from my lips like a frenzied mantra.

I'd never known such ecstasy in all my life.

Every push of his hips made me cry out, each whispered promise of undying love had me squeezing his sides with my knees and pushing my hips to his, my body begging to have more and more.

When we came together, a tangle of limbs and covered in sweat, we still couldn't remove ourselves from eachother.

So we spent the whole night making love. We would finish one round and lounge around and talk about everything or nothing at all, and then our need would take control yet again and we would be one.

We skipped work the next day.


	4. Lion's Den

**A/N: I'm beginning to think that only about five people that stumble upon these stories actually likes them... Oh well. This is for them =)**

**Chapter Four - Lion's Den**

I didn't see Mark again until Friday.

I went in that day, fully intending to be a bitch to him when I saw him. Not because he had done anything to deserve such treatment, but for my own selfish reasons. I wanted to be able to tell Seth that we weren't getting along so well and have it be the truth. The logic was all off, but it usually was in my twisted brain.

When I saw him, my plan was forgotten. He was sitting on the sofa in my office, one leg propped up on the cushion and he was wearing a shirt that said, "I have the pussy, so I make the rules!" across the chest. He had ear phones in, and his eyes remained closed as he bopped his head to whatever he was listening to.

I popped one of the buds out of his ear. "You know, you're really not supposed to sleep in here. This place is closed after eleven."

He smirked at me. "I didn't sleep here, I was just earlier than you today."

I went past him to set my things down at my desk, and I could feel his eyes on me.

"Hey... What's wrong?" He sat up and focused his attention.

"Why would you think anything was wrong?"

"You do realize that you're not fooling me, right? I can see straight through you."

"What does that _mean?"_ I cried, half joking. I was trying to lighten things up, but he watched me warily.

"Can I tell you what I think? I'm really good at this."

"Okay..." I shrugged, wondering what he was talking about. What did he think about what?

"You, my friend, are a wild one. The queen of the wild ones," he said. He got up and started circling me like I was prey. "You're hard and strong inside, but you're scared of yourself. Being wild is risky," he allowed.

"So you saw my Face Book. What's the point?"

"You're so scared of who you are that you became someone else. Now you're unhappy. You miss being free, but you caged yourself and locked the door." His demeanor switched from extremely serious to teasing. "Use the key, Liz. Use the key."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "You're a dork."

"Am I wrong?" He was serious again.

I thought his words over. "If I say that you are, will you stop giving me a psyche evaluation?"

He smiled, smug now. He nabbed a framed picture off of my desk and examined it. "This the future Mister Collins?" he joked.

"In so many words."

"You two are cute. Wonder what your kids will look like." He replaced the picture and perched his butt on the edge of my desk. "So, you're into those big, muscled up types?" He pulled his sleeve up and flexed his bicep.

"I tend to go for the manly men," I allowed.

"That's because you are a lioness! You need a guy that's King of the jungle."

"I'm an American," I said, faking offense.

He considered for a moment. "A wolf, then."

I started laughing, and he laughed with me. He couldn't realize why that statement was so funny, he just enjoyed his own joke.

"I'm a wolf, too," he suddenly said. "I used to feel more like a rabbit, but now..."

"A rabbit?" I asked skeptically.

"Yeah. They're docile and fearful. They're at the bottom of the food chain."

I couldn't believe how much this conversation kept striking me. He actually made alot of sense. "Sometimes I feel like that, too."

"You're a wolf, hiding in rabbit's fur. But if any of those other wolves try to get you..." He smacked his hands together. "They won't know what hit 'em."

He was surprising me, and I was not surprised by much. "You really think so?"

"Absolutely... Just don't hide in that rabbit suit too long, or you might forget that you're not one."

I raised an eyebrow and let something slip out of my mouth that maybe I shouldn't. "Seth is a wolf, too. But sometimes... he's more like an owl." Smart and quiet with hidden ferocity.

"Ah." He wagged his finger as his feet again touched the floor. "Gotta watch out for those owls." He pointed at the only other picture on my desk. "Who's that?"

"Ana, my partner in crime," I answered with a smile. "I'm supposed to spend this weekend with her."

He whistled, low and long. "Can I come?"

"She has a boyfriend."

"If it doesn't matter to her, it doesn't matter to me." He had a huge smile on his face and he winked.

Okay, Mr. Cocky. "Are you ready to go out again? The location is pretty important, unless you're not planning on inviting anyone."

"Oh, there will be guests!" He gestured for me to lead the way. "Onward, my lady."

Since meeting Mark and getting to know him a little, I thought I had the venue figured out. I had taken the safe route last time, brought him to places that most people would choose, but they weren't right for him. As much as I hated to admit it, he was alot like me. That made him easy to figure out, and also very far from normal.

We pulled up across the street from The Underground, and he was already looking pretty satisfied.

He glanced at me for a moment. "Didn't Nirvana play here before they were famous?"

"Yep."

We crossed traffic and went inside, and the place was dark and dank and awesome. Morbid Angel was playing quietly through the speakers as we walked down the narrow red hallway, and my buddy Greg greeted us when we reached the main room.

He gave me a hug, knocking the air from me. "Legs!"

"Legs?" Mark questioned as my feet hung inches from the floor.

Greg put me down and held his hand out. "Mr. St. Claire, good to finally meet you."

"Good to meet you..."

"Greg," I supplied for him.

"Greg," he repeated. "And please, call me Mark."

"Mark, our club holds - "

"That's not necessary. I'll take it."

I stared at him, question in my eyes. "Are you sure?" I finally asked.

"Yes," he stated simply. "This place is... dirty. Dark. And it smells like smoke and whiskey. It's perfect."

I looked over at Greg, wondering if he would be offended by the description he'd just received of the place he loved. He was smiling, either because he agreed or because he knew he was about to make a good chunk of money.

"Well... That was pretty easy." I excused myself for a few minutes and went back to the car. I returned with my tote, flipping through various things until I found the right paperwork for Greg to sign.

As he initialed the last empty line, he asked us if we wanted to stick around for a little while.

"No, thanks. I have a meeting at two," Mark replied.

I glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's only ten. Maybe we should start working on the music or food - "

"We still have plenty of time for all of that stuff. I was thinking we could go out to lunch."

I felt myself stiffen up. Normally, it wouldn't be such a big deal; Now, my instincts told me that Seth wouldn't be so happy with me if I kept letting my relationship with Mark be so personal.

"Or not..." He stared at me, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

I wasn't sure how to respond. Greg mumbled something and disappeared into a room behind the bar.

"Did I do something wrong?" Mark asked when we were alone.

I sighed. "No..." I tried to figure out a way to verbalize my discomfort without making things even more awkward. "On Monday, when I told Seth about you, he seemed a little... jealous."

"Why?"

I sighed again, wishing I had just made something up. It just wasn't in my nature to be dishonest, unless my honesty meant trouble. Maybe this should have been one of those times.

"I guess because you're the first friend that I've made out here, and because I seemed so happy that you and I were getting along. He's not really the jealous type, but..." I wasn't sure how to finish my own thoughts. I had just realized that Seth _was _the jealous type, but only to a certain degree; I secretly enjoyed that.

"I get it. It's kind of expected if you really think about it. No man wants to see his lady getting excited over another man."

I snorted a laugh.

"I have a great idea that could fix the problem, though. Why don't you and I go pick Seth up and we can all eat lunch together?"

I whipped my phone out and made the call.

An hour later, Mark and I were sitting across from eachother, laughing at everything as we grubbed down potatoe skins at TGI Fridays. I had invited Seth, but he said he was stuck at work and encouraged me to go ahead without him. It was so wierd to me that I felt I needed his permission, but I was sure I wouldn't be here right now if he hadn't given it to me.

We'd smoked a blunt on the way over here, and every time I glimpsed the red in his eyes, I started laughing again. We were gaining unwanted attention from other people, so we tried to tone it down a little.

"Liz," he said, staving off the chuckles. "Tell me more about your man. How did you two meet?"

I smiled at my memory. "I was coming down from a mushroom trip, sitting in the middle of the woods that night and playing a song. He kind of just appeared."

He smacked his hand across his mouth to stifle the guffaws until he came back to Earth. "That's definitely one to tell the grandkids!"

I rolled my eyes at him, and he said, "Go on."

"He scared the shit out of me for a second, but he was just so cute, all confused and stuttering to me. He apologized and asked if he could walk me home... And we've been together ever since."

It didn't occur to me until the words left my mouth that they were false. We _hadn't _been together ever since... We'd had a very rocky road.

Mark could read me in a way that very few others could. "What is it?" he asked then, detecting my discomfort.

"I lied. We weren't together since then, we took a break for awhile last year."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

We were quiet, and not in the usual comfortable way. He wanted to know more, and in some way, I wanted him to know more. I realized then that I had never recounted the story to anyone, because anyone I would have wanted to tell was there to see the whole thing unfold. I talked to Ana about everything, but she had been along for the ride.

If I were talking to Seth, he would have sensed my unease and skipped to something else. Mark wasn't like Seth, though. He was like _me._

"Come on, Liz!" he pleaded.

I smirked at him. "Why do you care?"

"You're my friend, and you so clearly want to talk about it."

I sighed. "Last summer, I went back home to go to some shows and festivals. Before I left, we kept fighting, and _when_ I left, he told me not to come back. So I didn't until he came and got me... The details are long and sordid."

"You two dated other people," he guessed, so sure of himself.

"I actually moved in with my ex, and Seth did... alot of things." I got tight lipped, feeling myself become humiliated all over again. Why had I wanted to tell this story?

"I see." And he did see, more than what I was saying. He saw through me, as he pointed out earlier. "So, how did you get back together?"

"He came to West Virginia, saved my life, moved in with me and the guy I was dating... He fought for me and he won."

Yeah... Because what a prize I was. Poor Seth.

Mark seemed determined to perk me back up. "How did he save your life?"

"Another long story." I angled my arm in his direction and pointed at the nasty scar.

He let out a low whistle. "Bullet," he decided.

"Just scraped me."

"Were you getting mugged or something?" he asked with a laugh that abruptly cut off when his eyes met mine. "Really? What were they taking?" He stopped for a moment and then nodded. "Deal gone wrong?"

"Horribly wrong," I laughed condescendingly. "We were in the woods, off a trail in a state park, but too far away for anyone to hear me if I..."

_If I screamed._

"And Seth showed up and saved the day?"

"Like a knight in shining armor." I was really laying on the sarcasm today.

"How did he know where you were?"

"I guess he followed me... Are you going to eat that?" I had no grace at anything, especially when changing an uncomfortable subject.

He thrust the plate at me, his mind working in over drive. "Can I tell you about something that I don't share with anyone?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "If you're asking if I'll tell anyone else, then that's really not something you have to worry about with me."

He nodded his head. "I know you won't tell anyone. You won't want to." I waited patiently for him to continue, and he did. "For the past few years, I've had this... obsession. Did I tell you that my mother was dead?"

The turn in conversation took me off guard, and I felt tears pooling in my eyes. Something was up with my hormones today. "No... I'm so sorry to hear that."

He waved my apology away. "She died when I was six, I barely remember being around her." He leaned in, and something fierce was burning behind his gaze. "But I saw her again, when I was twenty one years old."

To say that I was confused was putting it very lightly. I had no idea where he was going with that. Our waitress came to the table, setting food down and smiling. She was about to ask us if we needed anything else, but one glance at my face had her backing away silently.

Mark leaned back into his seat and started eating.

I was starting to freak out. "Mark!" I yelled a little too loudly. "What in the world are you talking about?"

He raised his eyebrows at me, then waved our waitress over again. He asked for boxes, and within minutes we were sitting in my car. I assumed he wanted to leave, but he put his hand on my wrist when I tried to put the key in the ignition. He had wanted privacy.

He kept his eyes low. "Don't judge me, okay? My whole life, whenever I felt down or lonely or anything, I would look through these pictures of my mom. I could always remember what she had looked like when I was a kid, but they kept my memory fresh. I can recall everything about her appearance - Her wide, crystal blue eyes... Alot like yours. Her smile, her nose... Her expressions, her mannerisms. I remember her as well as if I had seen her just yesterday."

He locked his eyes on mine, honey colored eyes that he must have inherited from his father. Something in his expression went dark, but not in a threatening way. He was remembering.

"I got hooked on heroin when I was about nineteen or twenty. I mean, I started using in high school, but it didn't devour me at first."

I nodded in understanding.

"By the time I was twenty one, I was living on the streets. The dope was _everything. _I never thought about anything besides getting high, being sick, trying not to be sick, finding my shit... It was all consuming. I hadn't talked to my dad in well over a year, and the only people in my life were my dealers. One of them, I almost considered a friend. I spent more time around him than anyone else, and he'd let me crash on his couch from time to time, even feed me when I looked skeletal. I made the mistake of thinking he cared about me at all.

"I was pan-handling to make money, and it was hard going. I hated being dopesick, but I didn't have a choice most of the time. I went to his house one day, hoping I could talk him into a front. I was so sick that I kept puking while I asked him... I thought he felt bad for me. He agreed to letting me owe him the money, and sent me off with enough ron to kill me at least five times over. About two weeks later, when I was sick again, I went back to his house thinking he might take pity on me once more. He didn't seem angry that I'd come back empty handed, but he didn't give me a bundle to take off with either. He gave me a syringe full and told me to make myself comfortable, said I could sleep on his couch that night..."

"He gave you a hot shot." I'd heard about it too many times to count, and witnessed it once with my own eyes. It was the easiest way to kill a needle junkie. Hand someone a syringe and tell them it's full of dope, when really it's some lethal combination of God knows what. I had watched someone get shot up with rat poison, and the result was bleeding from the ears, eyes, and nose and then of course, death. It made me shudder to think about.

"I was sitting with him in the living room, tying my arm off when she ripped the front door clean off it's hinges. She tore the needle away from me, jammed it into my dealer's juggular and shot him full of whatever he'd tried to poison me with. She disappeared while he was dying."

His eyes locked on mine again, fierce with intensity. "She looked different - Too pretty, too perfect, aside from her bright red eyes. But she looked the same... She hadn't aged a day. I knew... I _know _it was her."

I was dumbfounded. I should have told him he was crazy, that his story was impossible, that his mother was dead and he needed to just accept that.

I wanted to tell him the truth.

Finally, his expression relaxed into the smile he usually wore. "You think I'm crazy, don't you?"

I looked down. "No."

"You know why I told you about this, Liz? Because I knew you wouldn't hold it against me. I knew that if you acted like I was psychotic, it would be pretend. I know that you believe me."

I held up a finger. "One question. What exactly is the obsession part?"

"I know that there's more to this world than meets the eye. I'm just having trouble figuring out what that is, exactly. My mother is not human. I'm sure of that. Yet, she's walking amongst us. What would you call that? Magic? Supernature? I'm always trying to find the answers."

I shuddered and caught a satisfied smirk light his features. He dropped the hand that was on my wrist and leaned back in his seat as I started the car and drove away from the restaurant. We didn't talk on the ride back to the office, but he'd given me plenty to think about. I had a feeling I had given him something to consider as well. I could feel his assured satisfaction permeating the air, his certainty that he had found something he'd been searching for. I held his answers, but I couldn't give them to him. And he didn't try to pry them out of me - Not for now, anyways.

As things stood, I could never tell him the secrets that I kept for the sake of those I cared for. Despite that fact, I found myself wanting to help him. He wasn't just curious; This was something that had affected him personally throughout his entire life. I was privy to the supernatural world because of Seth's imprint on me. Didn't Mark deserve to know the real story about what his own mother was?

I finished my work day early and headed over to the Cullen house. I had to meet with Alice every two weeks to go over wedding stuff. I normally did this on the weekend, but I had plans and she'd been more than happy to have me a day early to accomodate.

So happy, in fact, that she met me in the driveway.

She greeted me with a hug. Vampire hugs were definitely something I had to grow accustomed to; It was like hugging a human-sized boulder, except they hugged you back. Their skin was cold and didn't feel much like skin, but as I had gotten to know and love Alice and the others, I found warmth in their embrace. Especially Alice - She was cool to the touch, but her spirit was like a ball of fire that lit everything it touched.

When she got a good look at me, she backed up. "Come upstairs with me. Everyone's waiting."

"Why?"

"I saw what he told you earlier, and I know what you came to ask... There's alot more to this story than either of you realizes."

I opened my mouth, but she cut me off. "Just come," she insisted.

I focused on the sticcato clunking of my shoes beside of Alice's silent steps as we made our way up the stair case. When we reached the top and I looked up, I started with surprise. They were _all _here: All of the Cullens, and even Jacob and Seth.

I sat next to Seth wih my head down, feeling like a child about to endure a long lecture about secrets and such.

Seth put his hand over mine as Edward cleared his throat for attention.

"Liz's new client told her a very interesting story today."

"This is about _him?_" Seth asked, saying the last word bitterly. "I thought this was about the Vol - "

"Have you explained who they are to her yet?" Alice interjected.

"A little."

"The Volturi are a very large coven in Italy. They enforce our rules. Well, their rules. They keep our existence secret, and they punish those who go against them. They wanted to end Bella when she was human, for being in on the secret."

I tried connecting the dots in my head. "So... They would want to kill Mark for knowing more than he's supposed to. But how would they even know about him? It's not a story that he flaunts about."

"When you were trying to figure out how to help him earlier, your mind kept flickering from one decision to the next. When you thought that maybe you could point him in the right direction... The outcome was quite gruesome." Edward twisted the last word a bit.

"She saw Mark figuring everything out and landing himself in Italy," Alice explained.

"No!" I yelled, gaining the attention of everyone in the room. "He just wants to know what his mom is. He doesn't deserve to die over it!"

"Liz, you know _what _his mother is," Alice said. "The problem is _who _she is. She is extremely powerful, and she is protected by vampires that are more powerful still. She's part of the Volturi's guard."

A stifled gasp echoed through the cold room.

"Which one?" Bella whispered as she clung to Edward's hand.

"Hiedi," he answered. "Do you remember when the newborns came to Seattle? The only guard members that showed up were Jane, Alec, Felix and Demetri. They are the usual... clean up crew, I guess you could say. As the Volturi were coordinating beforehand, Heidi was desperate for the others to allow her to come along. Of course, Aro knew why she wanted to come and could see that this was a risk... And he didn't want her thinking and worrying of her human son at all. It could distract her over time. So she was ordered to stay, and was closely watched for a long time after."

All of the vampires, half vampires and Jacob launched into conversation that was too quick and low for me to make heads or tails of. I looked to Seth, who could understand what was happening, but offered nothing besides a smile and a kiss to my palm.

I started to feel frustrated, and I was sick of shoving my feelings on everything aside.

Time to be Liz again.

"Excuse me!" I yelled, unnecessary as it was.

Everyone went silent and stared at me, expressions varying from irritation to curiosity to awed and overjoyed - those last two were Seth.

"Could someone please explain what this means to me?"

"Is there any way that you could convince your friend that what he saw was something else?" Edward asked, but my mind answered his question for him. "Well, then you need to just stay out of it. Never let him think that you know anything about this, or you're putting all of us in a load of danger."

"In the Volturi's eyes, you, Liz, aren't even supposed to know about what we are. They don't honor treaties with the wolves - they would see you as a threat to their reputation. Add Mark into that equation and we may _all _have to pay for the consequences," Alice said. "They'd _so _love to destroy the Cullen coven."

"And the packs," Edward threw in.

"And their mates." I stared at Seth, unable to fathom the way it would feel to truly lose him. If a group of crazed and strong vampires came here to kill him and the others, I would happily die along with him. What would my life be, otherwise? Emptiness.

"Let us know if he starts asking you questions, Liz, or anything else that seems important," Alice said. "He's harmless enough at the moment, but this could turn into something more in the future."

"I will. Promise."

"Baby," Seth said from across the little island in the kitchen. "Baby. Let's go watch a movie or something. You look like you're falling asleep while you're eating."

I worked to focus my eyes, and then it was almost like I was seeing him for the first time.

Did he look different than he had earlier today...?

He smiled, and something jumped behind my belly button. I hadn't felt this particular emotion this strongly in a decent amount of time. I think I had almost desensitized myself to my own desires since I knew I had to keep myself in check.

I lowered my head a bit and smiled, making plans in my mind to try and get those pants off of him. It had been so long since I had tried, and in the beginning he had seemed so intent on waiting. But we had both _been _waiting!

"I'll go pick the movie," I said as I hopped down.

I was trying to be sexy, and I wasn't sure if I was good at it or not. I used to think that I was...

I brushed against his leg when I walked past and went into my room for a second to change. I couldn't wear anything too flashy, or he would be suspicious as soon as he saw me. So I put on some jean shorts and a dark gray long-sleeve and smoothed my hair and makeup conspicuously instead.

I found Near Dark, an eighties' vampire flick. It was cool but kind of low key, easy to be distracted from.

Seth walked by me and went to the couch, then stopped and turned halfway towards me. "Would you rath - " He stopped and cleared his throat. "Would you rather lay in the floor?"

I pushed my hair out of my face and looked at him over my shoulder. "Sure."

He set a big bowl of popcorn down on the couch and left for a second, coming back with his arms full of blankets and pillows. He set us up a comfortable space, grabbed the food and laid down.

I curled up beside him and started rubbing my feet aginst his under the blanket, claiming they were cold. It wasn't long before I wrapped myself around his side and ran my fingertips along his neck, his chest. The popcorn was sitting on the floor at his other side, so I reached over him and grabbed a piece. His eyes stayed on me as I moved.

I met his gaze for a moment, and my stomach flipped nervously... But the _good _kind of nervous as opposed to the way that I'd been feeling recently.

I stuck the popcorn in his mouth and watched him chew, then I started to kiss him... Then I started to _really _get into it.

My arms began on his shoulders, his on mine. Mine quickly went up into his hair while his slid down to my waist, and then we were gripping eachother closer, I was crawling on top of him and grinding on him...

"Elizabeth," he breathed.

I smelled a big fat no coming soon, and that was just unacceptable. No way was I giving up that easily.

I pulled his hands down and placed them on my ass as I moved my hips on him while I ran my tongue up his neck.

That seemed to do the trick. He moaned and captured my lips once more, gripping me to him with a hand on each cheek. I broke our kiss when I pulled his shirt up, and he allowed me to remove it. The large span of warm, tan, sexy man skin spread before me like a buffet. I touched and kissed and licked my way over it, building the beautiful agony.

I took my shirt off, and he answered with a sharp intake of breath as he looked me over. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him again as his hands left traces of heat along my bare back, sides and stomach.

I couldn't believe I was getting my way! We didn't even have a stupid conversation about it.

I reached for the button on his pants, and his hands stopped me. Seemed that I had claimed triumph too soon.

We both sighed.

"Liz, you _know _that I want to..."

"Really? I'm not so sure that's the case." I was being childish. I was pretty sure he wanted to, especially considering a certain part of his body was now standing at full attention.

He was suddenly over top of me. "You know that I do." He moved his hips forward for effect. "What you're doing to me right now... It's _torture..._"

"That's only because you're not giving in!" I dug my fingernails into his side and lifted my lower half into him. "If you really wanted to, and seeing how much I am wanting you to, you would give in, just this one time," I whined.

I leaned up and kissed him, then whispered against his lips, "Just roll over, baby. I'll do all the work."

He made a noise between a groan and a growl and nipped than licked my bottow lip as his hands restrained mine at my sides.

"Liz," he said again, and it sounded final. "I want to make love with you more than anything. Anything, except as much as I want to do this right."

I knew what he meant. I knew that he was right. Part of me might even be proud of him for standing his ground when I was making it so difficult.

That didn't stop my reaction.

I jerked my shirt from the floor and threw it back on as tears pricked at my eyes. I stood up and turned, walked into my room and locked the door behind me.

He knocked a moment later. "Please talk to me, love."

"Not right now," I called back, willing my voice not to crack. I was trying not to let him know that he'd made me cry.

"Don't be mad at me, Liz. I would do _anything _to be able to move our wedding up to right now. But we have the rest of our lives to love eachother physically, and it will be more special for us if we wait until we're completely official."

I wanted to argue with him. I wanted to tell him that I didn't care about that. That right now was perfect, that I could die tomorrow and never get the chance to. But... More than I wanted to win a cheap victory, I wanted the same thing that he did - and I think alot of the reason that he was pushing for this so much was because he realized that fact.

My hormones had clouded my better judgment. It wasn't his fault.

"I'm not mad, Seth," I mumbled through the door. "Just give me some time to get myself together."

"As long as you need." I heard a soft thud as his butt hit the floor. I felt bad leaving him alone like that, so I gathered myself and wiped my face, got up and opened the door.

He cradled me to his chest and kissed my head. "Don't _ever _think that I don't want you. As soon as we are husband and wife, I _will _show you, you can count on that." He pulled my chin up and smirked at me. "I'm not sure you'll even be able to handle me."

I raised an eyebrow. "We'll see about that," I said softly.

His expression changed back to serious, and he leaned down and kissed me. Het let his tongue slip through our locked lips to rub mine once, and I moaned in response.

"Sweetheart... You've been distant lately," he began.

I looked down in shame. I _had _been distant, there was no denying that. I couldn't explain why exactly and it had been unintentional, but there was no excuse for my poor behavior.

"I'm sorry," I breathed, almost starting to sob again.

"It's alright, but you have to know that I've missed you like crazy. And _this,_" he said before kissing me again, gripping my body closer to his, "Getting to kiss you, touch you again and see the passion for me in your eyes, like fire behind ice... it's the most incredible thing I've ever known, just as good as getting to go all the way. It's like this... sweet torture, but it's amazing..."

His gaze was far away, glazed over with longing for a few seconds before he smiled angelically down at me, eyelashes casting shadows over his smoldering eyes. "When it is finally time to be together, it's going to be mind blowing."

"Unforgettable," I added. I could picture it already - his warm skin touching every inch of me, his mouth on my breasts, him being inside of me and thrusting into me, me riding atop him and screaming his name...

"What exactly _are _we allowed to do until then?" he asked suddenly.

I had to work to get my mind out of the gutter. I was serious about this as well, and it was easier if I got to set some of the boundaries.

"How about... mouths from the neck up. Only. And hands... Well, hands above the belt, except for the legs and no touching the chest. For you." I smiled, satisfied.

He linked his fingers with mine and lifted. "May I still kiss your hand?" he asked sweetly.

I giggled. "Yes, you may."

He pecked my hand, and then his face dropped. "But not your ass," he joked.

I pretended to consider. "We could always negotiate."

**A/N: In the Twilight Saga, Heidi isn't mentioned very often and she isn't given a real side story. I haven't read the Official Guide, but I read online that she had a back story in there that wouldn't fit with what I wrote. Sorry if it offends you or something.**


	5. Troublesome

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. **

**Chapter Five - Troublesome**

I wasn't sure why, but I felt like something bad was going to happen.

Not like I was about to face a terrifying life or death situation, or anything else too horrible. Something just felt a little off.

I pulled into the lot of the bookstore and parked my car. I grabbed my bag and put my sunglasses on before going up the back stairs to Ana's apartment.

She opened the wide window before I got to the top. "Woohoo!" She yelled down.

A second face peered at me from above. "Hey, Liz!" Josh greeted me. He had a broad smile on, but it was clear that it wasn't meant for me. He actually looked alot happier than he had any time that I had seen him recently.

"Hey, guys." I smiled up at them before reaching my last step and swinging agiley into Ana's dining room. I noticed then that she looked alot happier, too. She had a healthy flush, her lips were extra pink and pouty, and her eyes were sparkling.

"Josh was just leaving," she said, smiling at him and biting her lip nervously. She turned to me and gave me a hug. "Thanks for forgiving me," she whispered.

"Same to you," I answered with a smile. My recent behavior hadn't been so great; I had been the buzzkill of the century.

She turned back to Josh. "Come on, babe. I'll walk you out."

They trotted off together, hand in hand, moving in synch. I cocked my head to the side for a moment as I watched them walking away. When they got to the door, they turned to face one another and grasped both hands as they stared into eachother's eyes with matching expressions of undiluted love. The moment seemed so intimate that I removed my eyes at once. I heard their breathy 'I love you's' and realized just what it was that had changed drastically.

Ana and I met in front of the couch where she hugged me more enthusiastically. I dropped my bag at my feet and we sat down.

"You look good, Liz," she said as she studied my full appearance. "What's going on?"

I felt my cheeks growing warm. "I want to hear your's first. You and Josh, eh? Who'd've thunk it," I joked.

Her smile grew. "We had a stupid fight and I hit some sort of breaking point. So, I finally admitted it. Again." She rolled her eyes. "I was being stupid there for awhile, but I really do love him. I feel like I'm still falling and falling... And being honest with him was the push that kicked it all the way in."

"So what's the next step for you guys?"

"We started talking about moving in together, but we're having some problems. He has a house that's big enough for both of us, but I'm not sure I can afford to commute from there to here every day." Her face puckered up a bit. "I don't know what we'll do."

"Why not just rent this apartment out to someone else?"

She thought it over. "It would have to be someone I knew and trusted not to rob the store since that's the way in and out."

"You should ask around the pack, see if any of them could use it," I suggested.

She smiled in return. "That's not a bad idea. Now, tell me what's been going on with you."

"I don't know... I guess I'm just tired of acting all the time." I shrugged my shoulders, and that was all the explanation I had. "This past week has been wierd. I finally met Mark, and he's really cool. And things are alot better with Seth..."

"Tell me about Mark first." She looked excited.

"He's just really laid back. But he's fun, too. He likes to smoke weed." I giggled. "And he listens to good music - You'd like him."

"So you guys are friends? That's cool."

"Yeah."

"What's going on with you and Seth?"

I couldn't help but to laugh as I answered her. "I got really horny yesterday and tried to seduce him."

She cocked her lip and eyebrow up. "Tried, but didn't succeed?"

I sighed, "No. He talked me out of it, in a very gentlemanly fashion." The tv caught my attention for a second, and I looked back at Ana confused. "Titanic?"

She started laughing and covered her face. "Josh likes it!"

I roared with laughter, picturing Josh balling his eyes out to the longest piece of horribly cheesy romanticism I had ever witnessed. Titanic!

"Don't tell _anyone _that!"

"I won't," I promised. "Will you tell me now who is coming over here?"

She ducked her head. "Promise you won't leave?"

"Ana!"

"Okay, okay. It's Jon."

"Which one?"

She mumbled something that I couldn't understand, and I yelled at her. "Abrams!" She finally answered, totally exasperated.

I instantly became wary, the smile dropping clean off my face. I only had a second to react, though, because he was there at the door just then.

Ana let him in; I could hear his excited, "'Ey, girl!" echoing around the small space. I got up and walked towards their voices.

He stopped and stared when he saw me. Then he made a face and rubbed his eyes. "Well, I'll be," he mumbled.

I lifted one hand. "Hey."

"Liz Collins! Get your skinny ass over here and give me a hug!" He stood there with his arms open, but I only offered a pat to his back. He hugged me anyways, unabashed by my rejection.

"What are you doing all the way out here?" I asked him.

Most of his words ran together when he talked - I couldn't even catch all of them. Something about making money. He turned his attention to Ana and looked dumbfounded... He was more hand gestures and funny faces than anything else.

"Shoulda told me you had you some bodyguards, Belle," he said. "Thought I was 'bout to hafta shoot me some injuns out 'ere."

"Those are our boyfriends," she giggled. "They're sweethearts, but they're very over protective. And you better not fucking shoot either of them."

He smiled goofily and leaned back out of the open door. He came back up with a backpack and a case of Budweiser. A little thrill of excitement flared inside of me at the sight of it... Seemed that I would be kicking back a few today.

Jon asked where the bathroom was and disappeared as Ana was loading beer into her fridge.

"We're calling the boys over soon," she said suddenly. "Just after Jon gets a little settled in."

"Ana," I said, my tone reproachful and my voice a loud whisper. "He is probably shooting up in your bathroom right now!" I jabbed my finger in the direction of the room.

She started whisper-yelling, too. "Look, I know, okay! But when he said he was coming, things were different and I didn't care to let him stay here with just me and you."

"Are you still wanting me to stay?" I asked with a frown. I didn't like the idea because I didn't completely trust Jon, but that was also why I wouldn't want to leave Ana here alone with him.

"Yes, but that's what I was saying. Let's chill for a little bit and then just call the guys. Are you going to drink tonight?" She crossed her arms, her stance almost defiant.

I had a feeling she would want to argue me if I said no. Lucky for us both, I was in full on party mode.

"Yep."

She beamed at me. "Hell _yes!_" Then she gave me a high five.

"So, we're going to hang out, then have the guys come over, then what?"

"We could all hang out here, or we could go to a bar or something. I have a guest bedroom that you and Seth could sleep in and Jon can sleep on the pull-out." She nodded, smiling in triumph at her plan.

I was smiling about her plan, too. Seth and I hadn't slept together all night in _months, _and I really missed it. The nights were just too cold without him clinging to my side. Staying here for the night in the same bed as my man... The idea was irresistible.

"I think we should call them now," I said.

"Why?"

I heard the door open down the hall and Jon starting back towards us. "Because, he said that they were both right outside... We could tell them to wait for a little while before they come up, but if _we_ wait they might be doing something else when we call."

I already had my phone dialing when she started to nod. Jon mouthed, "Who's she callin'?" to Ana, and I turned away from them and got myself a beer.

"Hey, beautiful," Seth answered.

"Hey, honey. You guys still hanging around near us?"

"We're about a half a block away grabbing some food. Do you need me?"

"We are hanging out with Jon and having some drinks right now, but we were going to see if you guys wanted to join us here in, like, an hour or so. We could go out to a bar or something if you want," I threw in as if I needed to sweeten the deal. I knew they would say yes, unless they had something important going on; no way would they rather leave us alone with a man they didn't know.

"One hour!" I heard Josh yelling in the background.

"We'll be there in exactly one hour," Seth answered, his smile shining into his voice. "Can't wait to see you, babe. I love you."

"I love you." _So much..._

Ana told me to send Josh her love at the exact same time as he was hollering it at me. Freaky imprint shit.

Ana and Jon Jon grabbed a few more beers to take back to the living room with us. We filed into the small space, turned on some music and sat down to relax and chat with one another.

"How you girls' been doin'?" Jon asked as he eyeballed us. "Y'all look good. Happy." He pointed at me. "I like your hair that color."

"Thanks," I said as I ran my hand over it. "And I'd say we've both been doing pretty good," I supplied.

"Definitely," Ana agreed before she took a drink of Bud.

I followed suit, chugging down as much as I could at once before answering. The taste of beer had become somewhat alien to me, and I didn't even clear half the bottle. "I've got a job planning parties, making decent money."

"That Lexus out there yours?"

"Yeah."

He smiled crookedly. "Glad I didn't try to lift it, then."

"Oh, _and_ I'm getting married." Excitement flooded my voice, and it was surprising to hear. I remembered Mark telling me that I said my wedding date like it was my own personal D-day, and now I understood what he meant. Poor Seth... I hadn't been a very good fiancee so far.

I knew whatever it was that had been keeping me distant from him wasn't completely fixed yet, but I needed to figure it out and straighten up fast. Seth was a wonderful man, the total package - He was gorgeous. He was loyal, respectful, attentive, tough, caring... The list was endless. The woman that won the heart of such a man should be ecstatic to become his wife, scream it from the damn rooftops. I had been selling him and our relationship so short.

Jon's jaw dropped. "No shit?"

I stepped over to him and laid my hand in his. He lifted it close to his face, examining my ring closely.

"_Damn _girl. That's a fuckin' _rock._" He gaped up at me. "Which one is yours? The one with the darker eyes or the one with the big wolf tat on his back?"

"The one with the ink."

"Hmm. Wow." He studied my ring again before giving my hand back and nodding his head. "Well congratulations, Legs. I hope you two are very happy."

"Thanks." I went back to my seat and started working on my beer again.

"How 'bout you, Ana? You gettin' hitched to the other one?" He pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

"Not at the moment," she said with a coy smile. "But I've been doing great out here, way better than I ever imagined. This building is mine - the store downstairs and this apartment, both. And of course, I have Josh... I actually love it out here." She spoke as if she was just realizing this.

"I do, too." I eyed her meaningfully for a fraction of a second. "There's so much more going on here than back home. Alot more _healthy _stuff, and more choices... We've both been making a good living - within the law, for a change."

"I like it out here, but it'd never be home fer me," Jon said. "Only place I feel like me's West Virginia... Think sometimes the place chooses you."

I looked toward the door wistfully. Hadn't it been an hour yet? "I love it here, but I'd be happy anywhere so long as Seth was with me."

"Awww," Jon jokingly gushed, hands clasped below his face which was twisted up into a too-sweet expression.

We'd each made it through at least two beers when there was a knock at the door. Ana jumped up and sprinted to answer, ripping it open to reveal our loves.

_"Baby girl!" _Josh said loudly, grinning like a fool. He stepped in and let Seth pass inside before they embraced.

Seth came and sat next to me on the large couch. He wrapped an arm over my shoulder and tilted my chin up with his free hand. The look in his eyes made my heart stop momentarily; It was so awed, so adoring.

"Elizabeth," he breathed just to me as his eyes fluttered shut. His lips brushed mine, soft as a feather, once, twice, three times. Then his mouth lingered over mine for a moment, warm and exciting. I threw my arms around his neck as the arm he had around my shoulders pulled me closer to him, and our lips mashed together and moved in sync, just for a few too-short seconds before we broke our kiss and hugged tightly.

When I finally pulled my gaze away from him, I glanced at Jon and he was staring at us. It might have creeped me out, except for the look on his face. It was alot of longing, a dash of jealousy.

I smirked at him as Josh and Ana came in and sat down on the love seat.

"Excuse me," Seth addressed Jon in his silky smooth voice. "I've forgotten my manners. I'm Seth, and this is Josh."

Jon jumped out of his seat for a second and shook Seth's hand. "Good to meet you, brotha'. Always wondered who'd end up wifin' this one 'ere." He winked at me quickly.

I locked my mouth together awkwardly to keep from laughing at the term, "Wifin'". I wasn't sure if I should be offended about it, or maybe assume that if Seth was wifin' me, I was husbandin' him.

Seth chuckled. "I'm lucky I snagged her." He glanced at me as he raised our joined hands and laid a kiss on the back of mine before focusing again on Jon. "So, you're from the same town as Liz?"

"Born an' raised. You from here?"

"The reservation, not far from here. La Push," he answered as Ana rose from her seat and headed for the kitchen. "How long have you known these two?"

Jon leaned back, looked up at the ceiling and puffed air out of his mouth noisily. "I guess... I met Liz when she was still... in High School?" He looked at me for confirmation, and I nodded.

"Probably about five years now," I supplied.

"And I met Ana through her not long after."

Josh decided to join in the conversation then. "How'd you meet Liz?"

Jon looked a bit confused, so I answered for him. "Mutual friends."

Jon snapped his fingers. "That's right! I met you through Jess."

Ana started to laugh as she came back into the room carrying a cooler full of ice and beer. Josh jumped up and took it from her, setting it down at their feet as they relaxed again. "When _I _met Jon, those two were definitely not friends. Remember, Liz? Me and you were at the apartment and he came knocking on the door, and he stood there cussing us about Jess ripping him off and said he was going to shoot him."

I raised an eyebrow at her, then Jon. "I remember. You're always saying you're going to shoot somebody."

He leaned back and put his arms behind his head. "Sometimes I do." He quirked a smile. "I shot somebody a couple weeks ago."

"Jon!" I exclaimed.

"What the fuck?" Ana yelled.

Jon leaned forward, setting his jaw defensively. "Well, I didn't _kill _him."

I shook my head. "Still, though."

"He had it comin'! Motherfucker was _robbed me!_"

He was leaning on the edge of his seat, a look in his eye that let you know he was just a little off, and he was gearing up for a long one. Jon was definitely an unforgettable human being - Not because he was really cool or unique, but because he was leaning towards the crazy side. He not only partook in the insanity, he caused it and he relished in it.

He started recounting his story, getting all into it. "I was runnin' pounds, thousand dollars straight just for delivery, three thousand all together. I'm down in Atlanta and this motherfucker comes up to my room to rob me! He's grabbing at my shit, and I kept tellin' him, 'Dude, this ain't no joke. I'm gonna shoot you'!"

He was so animated about it, waving his arms and raising his voice. It was impossible to block out, and I didn't know what this would make Seth and Josh think.

"So I pull out this pistol that I had just picked up, and I just start blastin' him! The more I shoot the motherfucker, the faster he's runnin out my door - But he wouldn't drop my shit!"

He stood up and pointed his finger like it was a gun; his other hand nursed a beer, which he was now sloshing around. "Seven times! I caught this dude _seven times! _And he just keeps on runnin'! I even shot him in his ass! So after he's gone, I run back up the street to the guy I bought the pistol off of and tell him I want my twenty five dollars back for that hot gun. He starts arguin' with me, sayin' he don't deal with no hot shit, so I tell him the motherfucker's hot now! I just shot somebody with it seven times and tossed it in the creek out back, that barrell's still smokin'!"

First, Jon was the only one laughing. Then I started, then Ana and then the guys. That was a horrible story... Funny, but terrible. It was just the type of thing I expected when Ana said that Jon Jon was the one coming over.

I felt sorry for whoever this guy was, but he should have known better. You should never try to rob an insane man.

At first, I had wondered how Seth and Josh would take Jon. He wasn't very refined or very smart or very sane, but he was funny and he didn't mean _us _any harm. The guys seemed to be okay with him, still weary but they hid it well. We all finished off the case of beer he had brought over, and then we decided to walk to a bar that was down the street; Ana and Josh had been there a couple of times and said that it was pretty low key but not bad.

There was a small crowd going on at the bar; A few people stood outside smoking cigarettes, some sat at tables,some played pool and the majority of the patrons sat at the bar. We grabbed a table so we could all stick together, and I ordered two pitchers for us to drink on.

I was standing at the bar waiting for my beer when someone tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Well, isn't this a funny coincidence?"

I turned around with a drunken smile on my lips. "Mark!" I gave him a big hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Eh." He shrugged his shoulders. "I was bored. Came out for a drink." He sipped on what appeared to be a neat Scotch.

I glanced around. "You're here by yourself?"

He nodded.

"Well, come and sit with us, then!"

He sighed as he lifted one of my pitchers, though there was a smile on his face. "If I must..."

"Okay. Don't strain yourself there, Master Sarcastica."

He carried that pitcher and another that he had bought as I carried pitchers three and four to the table. He grabbed a chair and swung it to sit between me and Jon.

"Everybody, this is my buddy Mark. And Mark, this is Seth, Ana, Josh and Jon." I pointed each of them out as they were named.

"Oh, wow. It's great to meet you guys," he said politely. He leaned behind me. "Seth, man, I'm glad to finally be able to put a face to the name," he said as they shook hands.

"Same here," Seth replied kindly. "And I'm glad that Liz has made another good friend."

I kissed his cheek quickly; he was being particularly wonderful tonight. "You live in this neighborhood, Mark?" I asked as I started pouring glasses full and passing them around.

"About two blocks away. Do you guys live around here, too?"

"Ana does. We're having a slumber party tonight," I giggled.

Jon's eyes were darting around, assessing the crowd. "I'm gonna hafta go outside for a little while..." He said, just loud enough for our group to hear.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"Need to make that dough."

I made a face. "Oh, please don't tell me you're hitting the street like that."

He smiled. I pictured him outside on the closest corner, calling out, "Hey Ron!" to the passersby... And it seemed that was exactly what he was going to do.

"You're going to end up getting yourself arrested. Or beaten and mugged."

He lifted his shirt a little, high enough to see the silver gleam of the pistol that was tucked into his waistband.

I rolled my eyes at him. "I'm not bailing you out if you go to jail," I warned him, a final attempt. And I was dead serious.

He slung his pack onto his shoulder as he stood. "See you all in a little while," he said with a wink. He focused his attention on Ana. "Call me if you guys leave here?"

She gestured acceptance and he set on his way.

We all resumed conversation, and of course the most interesting topic was Mark. I was glad that everyone was getting along with eachother, and I didn't have to try to keep the words flowing or keep him involved. It didn't take long for him to charm them, squeeze his way from being an outsider to part of the group.

I leaned back and relaxed as they all chatted and laughed. I was feeling pretty awesome tonight - I was drunk, out and about and in great company. And though I was a little surprised that I had suddenly decided to drink after so long, I was more surprised that I didn't feel the least bit guilty over it. I was with my man and my friends, having a good time. I was safe; There was no reason to not enjoy my first night out in such a long while.

While I was reflecting on things, my phone started to ring.

"It's Darrell," I said across the table to Ana. I wasn't sure if I should answer or not.

"He might have news about the baby," she said.

"Hey," I said into the phone.

"Liz." The voice wasn't Darrell's; It was Mandy's, and she sounded like she was crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know... I don't know why I called," she sniffed.

Ana was mouthing something to me, worry twisting her features - She probably thought I was asking what was wrong with the baby. I nodded no at her.

"I think..." Mandy sighed. "I think that you should talk to Darrell soon. He won't listen to me _at all,_" she sort of growled. "And he used to listen to you."

Mark rose from his seat. "I'm going to go for a smoke," he said.

"Ummm... No he didn't. He doesn't listen to anybody. Ever. You kind of just have to take him like he is," I answered her.

"But he loves you Liz, and he can't fucking stand me. He just gets high all day until he's broke, and then he frowns at me and talks shit and he does stupid shit... He's in _so _much trouble," she said with some more sniffling.

"What did he do?"

"I can't..."

I sighed. "Yeah, I got ya. Mandy, don't take this the wrong way - you know Darrell's my friend and all - but he's such an asshole. He's easy to get along with when you have some distance, but you guys are living together and he's always meaner when he's on more."

She laughed once. "That's true. I can't really talk, though. I'm an idiot, too. I don't really love Darrell," she admitted, surprising me. "I'm kind of addicted to him, like he's a drug to me," she said thoughtfully, "But I'm at that stage of addiction where I hate the drug and what it's done to my life. And I'm _still _jealous of him wanting you more than he does me. Pretty twisted, huh?"

"Eh. It's not so bad. So long as you're not also addicted to oxycontin."

"Nope, that's his problem. So, you'll come and see the baby next time you come in? Or me at least, if the baby isn't here yet?" She asked in closing.

"Sure will."

"Sorry for being wierd. These pregnancy hormones are messing with my head. I'll talk to you later, Liz."

"Peace." I flipped my phone shut.

I saw Mark come back inside, and he looked all jittery. He met my gaze for a second before pointing to the bathroom and going there.

Ana raised a brow at me. "Does Mark get high?"

My jaw lowered and I covered my mouth, instantly remorseful for talking about that right in front of him. Of course, I couldn't be sure just yet if he had done anything... But I would bet that he had.

Sure enough, Mark returned to the table with tiny pupils, sniffing and swiping at his nose, and Jon came back suddenly with money to burn. He bought us all a double shot as soon as he reached the bar, bringing them straight to the table.

A few hours had passed since we'd arrived here; It was late enough now that there were between twenty and thirty people occupying the place and the music was turned up to combat the background noise. I spotted a juke box against the far wall, set upon a stage where a few people were standing around or dancing to the generic nineties' pop shit.

I dug out a five from my purse and pulled Ana across the room with me. I flipped through page after page of crap music, mostly pop rock and country. Then I found 2Pac. I paid for my song and started dancing with Ana, resisting the urge to rap along though I knew this one word for word.

"Look at Mark," I said in a low aside. "He's pretty messed up."

She whipped her head to the side with the music and caught sight of him conspicuously. "Yep, looks like it." Mark was sitting up and appeared to be falling asleep right there, bending his head lower with his eyes closed.

"I'm worried about him. He says he's been clean for awhile."

She frowned. "That sucks. Hope he's not totally off the wagon because of tonight..."

"Should I talk to him?"

"Not until he's sober. You'd be wasting your breath right now."

The song ended and she grinned at me. "What do you say we go and get something to eat?"

The six of us sat in Ana's livingroom once again, still swigging on beers and munching down some ramen noodles. Ana, Josh, Seth and I were the only ones still with it; Mark and Jon were both sitting in the floor with bowls of noodles in their laps, nodding out just above them. I was beginning to feel a little guilty... I had become the bad influence over yet another of my friends. I couldn't take full responsibility for Mark making a bad decision, but I couldn't help but to think that he wouldn't be so fucked up right now if he hadn't run into me earlier.

Then again, maybe he would sleep this buzz off and go back to the drug-free lifestyle in the morning. I had no way of knowing how much this slip up was going to effect him.

Everyone was getting tired after we'd finished our meal, so we started setting things up for bed time. Mark gave me a sleepy hug as he told everyone goodbye and took off walking to his home. Seth and Josh pulled out and set up the bed that was inside of the couch. And finally, Ana and Josh retired to her room and Seth and I went to the guest room.

He turned away to give me privacy as I changed into pajamas, peeling off his own shirt as he waited.

"So... Your friend Jon is definitely... something," he began.

"That's one way to put it," I laughed. "He's a nut is what he is. Ana wouldn't tell me who was coming until right before he got here."

We crawled under the sheets and faced eachother. "He didn't seem so bad... but I'm glad that you called us and had us come over. Especially since we ran into Mark, too."

I sighed. "Honey, you have absolutely no reason to be jealous -"

"Shhh." He raised his hand to my cheek and stroked the skin tenderly. "I'm not worried about that. I trust _you. _But I don't know him."

"I guess I can understand that."

He pulled me closer as he rolled to his back, keeping his arm under my neck and laying my head on his shoulder. He lifted his head to inhale at my hair and touch his lips to the strands once. "This is nice. How long's it been since we slept all night together?"

"Too long."

He shifted around, gripping me tighter. His voice was fading groggily as he spoke again. "Maybe we should try to more often, then."

"I love you, Seth. Sweet dreams."

"Love you," he slurred, already dozing. "Sweet dreams."

I laid there wide awake for maybe ten minutes before I realized what was bothering me: I was worried about Mark. He was too high to defend himself if someone tried to mess with him, and he was also so high that I didn't feel all that confident in his ability to make it all the way to where ever his house was without stopping to sleep.

My purse was right beside of me, so I pried Seth's arms off, dug my phone out and called him.

"Hey, Liz," he answered, sounding delirious. "Everything alright?"

"I just wanted to make sure you got home okay."

"I'm good. _Awww, _were you worried about me?" He teased.

"You were only halfway awake when you left," I giggled quietly. "I had to know you weren't asleep in an alleyway or something."

"That's actually really sweet of you. You're awesome, Liz."

"Yeah, yeah..."

"You are. You're fun, smart and gorgeous... What's not to love?"

"Exactly how much did you have to drink tonight?"

He snorted. "Ha. Ha. But don't worry. I'm home, I'm fine. I'm drawing something for you. And don't ask, it's a surprise."

"Well, thanks... I guess. See you on Monday?"

"Nine a.m.," he confirmed. "Night, Liz."

"Goodnight."


	6. Sold My Soul

**Chapter Five - Sold My Soul**

I didn't want to wake up, but something kept brushing across the flesh of my face, my neck and my shoulder. Something soft and fever warm...

My eyes popped open, and Seth smiled down at me. "I thought that might be more pleasant than the alarm clock," he said softly.

"Well don't stop now. I was asleep for most of that," I mumbled groggily.

His lips resumed their job of waking me up for a moment before I flew into an upright position. "What day is it?" I asked.

"Monday. Do you feel any better?"

"Yeah, I was just hung over." I pecked him on the lips before hopping out of bed. "Do you remember what I'm doing today?" I practically sang out.

"Of course," he answered with a smile.

I answered my own question anyways, just to be able to say it out loud. "I'm shopping for my _wedding dress!_" I yelled and jumped in place, clapping my hands.

"You're adorable." He stood up fluidly and kissed me again. "So... any ideas yet?"

I almost frowned. "Not really. How have you pictured it?"

He shrugged his shoulders and ducked his head, embarassed.

"What is it?"

"Do you really want to know?" He looked at me through his lashes, an expression on his face that I found particularly handsome. "I've actually thought about this."

I nodded.

"I usually picture you in a really long dress, one that gets wider at the bottom. And sleeveless."

I smiled. "How's my hair look?"

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Up, maybe? Your hair is so nice..." He twisted a few strands and sniffed them before smoothing everything back into place. He moved himself around me, heading for the kitchen. "Tea or coffee?"

"Tea, please." I pulled on a fuzzy robe and followed him, stopping at the fridge to get our breakfast.

"Music?" Seth asked.

I was still sleepy, yawning above a big bowl of raw eggs. "See what's in there."

He peeked inside. "Zakk Wylde."

I yawned again as I held up two fingers, letting him know what track to play. As the song came out, loud but soft, I started to get some energy. "Oh my god, I want to play my guitar so bad right now!" I started jamming out and singing. "Listen to that chord progression..."

"I learned this one a couple of months ago. I hope you do actually pick your damn guitar up and play something soon. Do you have any idea how much I've missed that?"

"I will," I promised. "You know who this song reminds me of?"

The look of concentration on his face was priceless. He really wanted to guess, but it was impossible to know what kind of memory was going to pop out of my mouth. That's how he saw it, anyway.

"It reminds me of Vince. He used to play this one and the last track alot." Seth started skipping songs as I continued. "I swear, I saw the exact moment when Ana fell head over heels for him, and he was playing... this."

"Wooed her, did he?"

"Everyone was drunk, watching the sun come up, but I caught her at just the right second..." _That look. _I can remember it, but it was something indescribable... That one had been so significant because I had never actually _seen _that look before. Looking back on it now, it was still important but it was much less unique; I saw that look every day now, multiple times and from multiple people. And werewolves. And vampires.

He came up and wrapped one arm around my waist, his other hand taking mine. Then we started waltzing. He was smiling and I was giggling, and he even sang some of the words to me. It was mushy and cheesy and _perfect... _It was one of those moments that you would never want to watch someone else having, but that you can appreciate when it's yours.

I skipped my morning shower in favor of making a nice breakfast, vacuuming my carpets... And of course, bullshitting with my boyfriend.

Whatever had been blocking me from him was gone now, and I almost felt like our relationship was brand new. That flurry of feelings that usually only happen for the first few weeks of being in love had returned, full force. It was better though, having them now that we'd been together for a long time.

My day continued to feel bright as I walked into my office and saw my present from Mark propped up on my desk.

"Wow!" I said as I gave him an excited hug. I knocked the breath out of him.

"Glad you like it," he grinned.

I picked up the large frame and held it extended in my arms as I studied the Super Hero me standing proudly, surrounded by comic book style boxes of me kicking some major ass and holding fire in my bare hand. My costume was a sexy little top and hot pants combo with knee-high boots and wrist cuffs. The outfit in the main picture was white, lined with bands of card suits in red and black, and I was holding all four aces of a deck in one hand, a fireball sitting in the palm of the other. My only mask was a white band covering the area around my eyes. In the other action boxes, my costume would be designed slightly different and came in red or black with white bands back-dropping the spades, diamonds, clubs and hearts. The hair style varied from box to box as well, a couple straight, a couple wavy, one with my hair tied back and one with a hat - card-themed, of course.

He had clearly put so much thought into this. He had even given me a Super name - _**Wild Fire**_ - printed in bold under the center me's feet. The detail of the drawing was outstanding... It really did look _just_ like me, and his skill was such that it could pass as photographs digitally edited to appear as a sketch.

"Mark, this is really amazing," I finally said. I saw a free nail on the wall to my left and hung the frame about a foot above the couch.

"You make a good muse," he complimented in return.

"I've never seen anything of yours that's even in this style."

"I make more money doing abstract pieces," he explained. "But I'll draw or paint just about anything for fun."

"Want to see some of _my _art?" I offered.

A huge smile broke out across his face. "I didn't know you made any. Kind of figured you did, though."

We sat down on the couch together with my laptop between us and viewed almost every piece of art that I had created in the past six years or so. There were alot of dark themes and still alot of light; There were still lifes, portraits - mostly of me and Ana, collages, scenery... I had completely forgotten about most of this stuff. Looking at them now, they almost didn't feel like they were mine, like someone else had created them.

But I _loved _them, because they were beautiful.

Mark liked them, too. His smile was permanent, and he kept pointing at the screen and talking animatedly, asking me questions and gawking about the answers.

It was funny at some point, because I was struck with a thought that I had not considered before he got so excited over a collage of me and Seth pictures that he flipped his wrist at it. I laughed a bit longer than was necessary at this, almost doubling over. Not that I cared of course, but because the idea simply hadn't occured to me until just then.

"What?" he said, his smile becoming strained. "What was so funny about that?"

I felt bad for giving him the wrong impression - He thought that I was making fun of him. "I'm sorry," I said, unsure of how to explain.

He stiffened up. "Liz. I am _not _gay."

I raised an eyebrow and looked him in the eye. "You sure about that?"

He smirked and said, "You want me to show you how straight I am?"

"Mark!" I pushed him in the chest and he started to laugh at me. "That's not funny," I mumbled. I wasn't okay with being hit on.

"Oh, don't get mad. I promise to forgive you for thinking that I'm gay when I am _so clearly not, _if you forgive me."

"Okay. But do not talk to me like that," I sniffed.

He held two fingers to his head. "Scout's honor," he promised.

"Well, since you're not gay... When's the last time you had a relationship?"

Any trace of humor drained from his features, replaced by something sad and wistful. "That was a long time ago."

"Who was she?"

He shook his head from side to side. "I can't talk about her. Digging up the past is regressive. I'm all about moving forward."

I was distracted at lunch, and I didn't realize how irritated he had become until it was too late.

"What the hell have you been doing on this thing?" He asked as he leaned across the small table and yanked my phone away. He looked at the image on the screen, then the next and the next. "Wedding dresses?"

"I have to attempt to find one this evening." My smile became more frantic, I could feel it. "But I haven't even looked! I haven't even _imagined _it!"

"I thought girls were supposed to have their wedding planned from birth or something..." he mumbled. "How about this?" He handed the phone back to me, then he pulled his chair around the table so that we could both see.

"It's alright... but it's too princessy. I don't like giant poofy skirts." I dragged my finger across the screen a couple of times. "Now _that, _I like."

He nodded in agreement. "It's sexy, yet sophisticated. Would Seth like it?"

"He'd like the style of it." I sighed. "I'll just let Alice handle narrowing it down for me. If she doesn't strangle me for being so unprepared."

"Who's Alice?" Mark asked, a little gleam in his eye.

"She's my Bridal Consultant Extraordinaire. And my friend."

"Is she single?"

"Nope."

His face dropped.

"Do you want me to set you up with someone?" I held the skepticism from my voice, because I really did enjoy the idea.

"I don't know." He shook his head. "It seems so stupid. I should be smooth enough to find my own dates by now."

"Well, I'm only asking because I had someone in mind to set you up with... That is, if you're interested."

He smiled, but then _he _became skeptical. "What does this female look like?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "Mark, do you really think I would set you up with an unattractive woman?" I wagged my finger at him. "She's beautiful. Raven black hair, deep, almond shaped eyes, beautiful copper skin, perfect body... " I could hear my voice getting more sultry sounding, and it was because the description I was giving also suited Seth - from a female's perspective.

"Hmm. She sounds hot. And you seem to be a little turned on at the thought of her," he grinned. "See if she's down to hang out sometime and give her my number, please."

I nodded. "Cool." My phone was still in my hand, so I just went ahead and texted Leah to see if she wanted to try a blind date with Mark; She texted back saying she would need a picture before she would agree. I took a picture of him and sent it to her along with his phone number, and she must have been pleased enough with his appearance because a second later she sent a picture of herself - a very appetizing picture - to his phone.

"Damn." His eyes bugged out as if they were trying to zoom in to the screen. "Thanks, Liz!"

"My pleasure. I hope you guys hit it off. Then maybe you can be eachother's dates to my wedding." I cheesed like the Cheshire cat.

His phone buzzed with another reply. "She says that she's meeting you and Seth for drinks tomorrow and wants me to come."

"Oh, cool!" I bounced in my seat. This day was coming along nicely, even setting me up for the next one. "We never double date with anybody besides Ana and Josh."

I left work a little early so that I could make my five o'clock appointment with Alice. I was getting more and more anxious as I parked my car and stepped out into the lovely, sunny day. I walked into the store and glanced worriedly around at the rows upon rows of a billion shades of white that I never even knew existed.

"Are you excited?"

Alice's voice made me jump. "I think I'm more freaked out than anything."

"Oh, Liz," she pouted. "Don't you have any faith in me?"

"Of course. I just don't have any in myself."

"Well. I can't see your future, but I think I know you well enough to have some ideas. I talked to Seth and Ana and Sue, too, and got their input. Don't be so stressed."

I took a few deep breaths. "So... Do I just start looking?"

She whipped out a plain white card, the size of a license. "I already grabbed a few I thought you would like." She started leading me to the back of the boutique.

"And Ana's coming later, right?"

"In about an hour and a half. Sue will also be here, along with Bella, Rose, Esme, Emily and Kim, but I made sure Leah didn't come."

"Yeah, I'm going to see her tomorrow. I hate leaving her out of anything, but it's necessary." I smiled. "Actually, she'd never admit it to me but she's probably happier without having to do all of the super girly stuff."

Alice slid the white card through a machine on the door, and the dressing room came into view. I was completely floored - she definitely had my fashion sense pegged correctly. There were probably twenty different gowns in here, and I could see myself wearing any one of them.

"I hope you remembered to wear a strapless bra this morning," Alice said as she ran her fingers delicately over silk.

I just smiled, kicked my shoes off and started removing clothes.

Alice helped me into one dress after another, telling me the name of each designer as she laced me up or zipped me in. We would examine my reflection, spin me this way and that while commenting on lace or beading or satin. They were all so gorgeous, each one detailed and unique... But I was looking for _breathtaking. _I wanted to find the one dress that I would put on and never want to take off for the rest of my life.

I was thinking of how lucky I was to fit into sample sizes as Alice was tying a ribbon in the back of yet another gown when it happened. I turned around and stared, awed at my own reflection.

This dress had _everything; _The sweetheart neckline was satin-trimmed, the bodice was long and fitted, adorned with lace and crystals. The skirt began at a slant and moved into three slanted tiers of tulle, each one trimmed with the same ivory satin, lace and bead work before it flowed out just slightly to pool at the floor. And the lacing in the back made it a corset.

Alice caught the look on my face and frowned. "Oh, not yet! We just got started."

I glanced at the clock behind her. "Alice, we've been doing this for over an hour." I spun around to face her. "Isn't it perfect?"

She fake sighed. "Yes."

I giggled at her. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll try some more on until the girls get here."

Her face brightened substantially. "Okay." She hung the Sophia Tolli gown on the door and moved on to another of her picks.

Ana called to let me know that everyone was here, so I slipped back into the dress that I wanted before Alice disappeared for a few seconds and came back with a selection of veils and shoes. Alice and I pinned my hair up before trying some different combinations until I found one that I liked - One that was perfect, actually. Both the veil and shoes appeared to be made specifically for _this _dress.

Alice carried the train of the dress behind me as I made my way to the viewing room and stepped up onto the pedestal. I glanced briefly at every face in the room, and I appreciated the reaction I was receiving.

Ana was even about to cry.

"I think I found it," I told them, gesturing towards my garb.

"Well, I would say so," Sue said very matter-of-factly. "You look absolutely exquisite, darling."

"I love it, too, Liz. Stunning," Esme said, smiling in approval.

"My cousin is going to be speechless," Emily threw in.

Kim was swaying a little, the glass in her hand close to empty; I had forgotten that they gave out champaigne at these places. "He's going to have to last the whole ceremony and reception with a boner!" she joked, causing all of us to laugh.

Rose and Bella nodded happily as well. "Gorgeous," Rose said as Bella murmured, "Lovely".

"Ana?"

A couple of tears escaped the corners of her eyes. "You look so _beautiful!_" she gushed. "The dress is perfect... You look like a bride."

I turned back to the row of slanted mirrors and swayed to the left and right to feel the fabric move. Alice gave my reflection a thumbs up and said, "Approved." She came closer and started pulling the bodice tighter. "We'll have to take these sides in a little bit, but the length is perfect..."

Looking back, my day seemed like a whirlwind of activity. It was both comforting and exciting, knowing that I was going home to a man that loved me... That he would be waiting for me, that he would listen to everything I needed to say to someone, that he would even cook me a meal _and _provide me with a full body massage if I asked, just to put a smile on my face. The last thought was tempting, but I didn't want to be spoiled.

When I walked through the front door and saw him sitting there, all that I wanted was to curl up in his lap and breathe him in... So that's what I did, and he welcomed me with open arms.

I wrapped my hands behind his neck. "I love you, honey bun."

He grinned and kissed me quickly. "Love you, cupcake."

I leaned back into his chest and relaxed as the heat of his body melted away all of my tension. He held his large hands spread wide and rubbed my arms and the side of me that wasn't lying against him as he watched the tv. It was so subtle - he didn't even seem to notice he was doing it - but it was so gentle and caring, exactly what I needed right now. It was all of those little things that made my love for him feel so pure... It was times like this that made me realize I needed him forever.

The show he was watching went to commercial and he muted it. "Sorry, babe. I swear, that thing hypnotizes me sometimes." He angled me to the side a little so that we could see eachother without straining. "How'd everything go today?"

"Pretty awesome. I found my dress!"

"Already?"

"Yeah. Baby, it's _so _fucking pretty!" I was exuberant until my words caught up to me, and then I slapped my hands over my mouth. I had been trying so hard not to cuss - I couldn't remember the last time I dropped the F-bomb, especially hollering like that.

Seth just laughed and said, "Well, hell fucking yeah!"

I put my arms back around his neck. "Really though, I think you'll love it."

"I'm about a hundred percent sure that I will." He winked. "So how was work?"

"Easy. And funny. Mark drew this big badass picture of me as a comic book super hero as a gift."

It was only a fraction of a second, but I caught the flash in his eyes when I said Mark's name. The wierd thing was, it looked less like jealousy and more like panic. "That's cool."

"And I hooked him up with your sister."

He gaped at me. "What?"

"Was that not okay?" Maybe he didn't want Mark seeing Leah.

He had to blink a few times. "No, it's fine. Do you really think they'll like eachother?"

"They seem to so far - they were texting and sending pictures all afternoon. They want to meet eachother tomorrow when we go out to eat."

He nodded, and I could tell he was thinking hard about something. "You have tomorrow off."

"Yep." I had almost forgotten.

"You're having lunch with me?"

"I was planning on it."

"Come pick me up from the shop." He nuzzled his nose against mine. "I want the boys to see how pretty my lady love is." His lips caught mine suddenly, so intensely that it knocked me off guard. His eyes were wild and vibrant when he leaned back. "When are you meeting Leah?"

"She's free tomorrow, too, so probably around three. She was wanting to drink before we had dinner with you guys." I suddenly recalled a text that I'd received earlier today. "You know what I want to do tonight, babe?"

"What?"

"Go pick up some kind bud and blaze down." I smiled and held both thumbs up.

He grinned and shook his head like he thought I was a little crazy. "Do you know where to find kind bud at seven thirty on a Monday evening?"

I sent a text message, waited maybe ten seconds for a reply and stood up beaming. "Good to go."

We smoked a bong when we got home, and the end result was pretty damn hilarious. We were tangled up on a bed of blankets in the livingroom floor, me in a tank top and panties and him in only shorts. We were watching Due Date and had a full spread of chips, candy, cookies and drinks, all around us.

As we laid there talking, Seth brought up the fact that Sam had been trying to stop shifting altogether.

"Why?" I asked him.

"Because he wants to grow old with his wife," he replied.

I was assaulted with a number of reactions to this, so many that I felt my face pale.

Seth squinted at me. "Baby?"

I leaned away from him, just a tiny bit before he held me in place.

"Liz, don't worry about that, okay? At all. I'll stop shifting for you one day, too. It's just that we have more time since you're still younger than me."

"I could never ask you to do that," I told him honestly. "The wolf thing... It's so cool! It's so _special._"

He waved his hand, already decided. "You don't have to ask anything. I already know what I want and what I don't want, and I definitely don't want to live without you."

"How can you be so certain?"

"The wolf thing _is _cool, but it has it's drawbacks. I'm still a man, Liz. I don't want to spend the rest of my life hunting deranged vampires and ripping their heads off - it's dangerous, long hours, low pay and no insurance," he joked. "What I _really _want is to find a job that pays enough to keep you and the family that we're going to make happy and comfortable... While still leaving plenty of time for you and I to keep creating more family." He waggled his eyebrows.

I made a funny face. The words weren't perfect, but the picture they painted were. I loved that Seth was a wolf, that he had pure magic running through every vein in his body. But if I was being completely honest about the whole situation, it was going to cause alot of bumps down the road. I'm not sure that I would be able to handle going out somewhere with him and have everyone referring to me as his mother. Or worse... _grandmother. _

Protecting his lands _was _dangerous, though there hadn't been an abundance of action since I got here. I knew the stories of what had taken place in years prior, and it would kill me to have to watch him walk away from me, unable to be certain that he would be able to come back.

I wanted him to be my partner, for us to be equals and for us to make and raise our children together. I wanted Seth to be there, to not have to worry if every night I spend with him is my last. I didn't want our future children to lose their father like he'd had to.

I moved my body closer to his. "Let's make out like teenagers," I whispered to him, smiling devilishly.

He leaned up onto his elbow and beamed gloriously down at me. "Okay."


	7. She's Lost Control

_"... But she expressed herself in many different ways until  
>She lost control again<br>And walked upon the edge of no escape and laughed  
>I've lost control<br>She's lost control again... She's lost control_

_I could live a little better with the myths and the lies  
>When the darkness broke in, I just broke down and cried<br>I could live a little in a wider line  
>When the change is gone, when the urge is gone<br>To lose control..."  
>- Ian Curtis<em>

**Chapter Six - She's Lost Control**

I couldn't sleep.

I had serious insomniac problems, but Ambien usually did the trick for me. Not tonight... I seemed to be _more _awake than before I'd gone to bed. Maybe it was from my exciting day; maybe it was because my mind was still working hard. Maybe it was horrible case of PMS.

Seth had left hours ago to blow off some steam running. That's what he said, anyways, though I had my suspicions that he was going to go home and grab some lotion and tissues... We'd been pushing some limits when he rushed out on me earlier. His absence left my home empty feeling, and I didn't like it.

I had tomorrow off, so I figured I may as well get up. I turned on my computer and some music before putting some tea on and packing up another bowl. I had to rush to the bathroom - it was _definitely _PMS that was messing with me - before I started blaring System Of A Down and watching cartoons on my flatscreen.

I hated my period. It seemed to have been effecting me more now than in past years, throwing every horrible symptom at me with a vengeance. Add to that the fact that I'd taken narcotic sleeping medication and stayed awake through it... Let's just say that I was feeling pretty wonky tonight.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I got online for a bit, then tried to watch some tv; I was too emotional to keep allowing it. No one should _ever_, under _any_ circumstances, shed tears over a Jersey Shore rerun.

So I hit up my stash of pills. Yes, I'd kept a stash of pills hidden in my home for almost a year... So sue me. I hadn't touched them until now. I'd endured long stretches of boredom and anger and physical pain without going to them once, and that alone proved that I didn't have a problem with them anymore. There wasn't anything wrong with recreational use, it was addiction that fucked up everything for everybody else.

I had a much better attitude as I went back to the couch and sat down with a pad of paper and a pencil. I started scrawling out lines of words, barely realizing what any of it even said. This was how I always wrote music and poetry - just brainstorm it out and edit it down later.

I got high and wrote for a little while before deciding to go outside and smoke some more. I grabbed my Ipod, threw on some shorts and a hoodie and tromped to the bottom stair of my back porch. I lit up a spliff and rested my elbows on the steps above me as I raised my face towards the sky. It was brilliant this evening; the gray clouds were swirling around, playing a game of hide and seek with the waning moon and bright stars.

I put my head phones on and leaned my head across my free arm while I toked. I watched the whirling sky for a bit, and then I got up and started dancing around in my backyard. None of my neighbors could see me from here.

I almost felt like I was tripping - my vision was off and I kept thinking about magic, myths and monsters. I was enjoying myself, considering smoking more and wishing that I had some alcohol. And then - _of course_ - he showed up at the edge of my yard, almost like he'd sensed that it would embarass me to be seen at that exact moment.

His appearance gave me some sort of wierd deja vu - I didn't feel like I was reliving a particular memory, but seeing him walk towards me and the way that it made me feel was so familiar, and there was just something in the air tonight. I could never put a name to what that something was, but you could smell it hot on the breeze, could feel it all around you.

Seth took my hand and spun me once. "Beautiful girl," he grinned. "What are you doing, dancing outside at this hour?"

"Having fun." I giggled as he pulled me in and dipped me back.

"It _is _fun," he agreed as he stood us both upright. His voice was deep, eyes low and dark. He put his hands to my face and neck, caressing my flesh in a way that was both gentle and desperate. He tilted my head up and kissed me, and I felt like the whole world was revolving around the two of us... Like we would both float away if we didn't have eachother to anchor us to the ground.

His lips were soft and urgent, parting to make way for his tongue to meet mine. He kept one hand wrapped into my hair as the other trailed down my side until it gripped my thigh. His hand started sliding back up the naked skin of my leg, just under the edge of my shorts before he ripped himself away.

I was so dizzy and weak that I doubled over panting. I loved it when he went a little overboard kissing me like that, but when he stopped I felt like an addict - Like a Seth addict that was only getting a tiny fix every now and then, but the cravings got worse instead of going away. At the moment, I was fiending for more.

I straightened, and he was watching me. "Are you going back to bed?" he suddenly asked, his voice strained.

"I can't sleep." I pushed my long bangs out of my face. "Want to come inside?"

He looked conflicted, an abnormal response. "Do you want me to?"

I had to work to not jump to some bad conclusion - it was likely to be the wrong one. "Could you just tell me what the problem is, please?"

"You just look _so... _" His almost pained gaze roamed my features. "And you smell _incredible._"

I crossed my arms. "Seth, I'm not wearing any makeup and I could use a shower."

"You know that doesn't matter. But it's different right now... I think I'm picking up an excess of pheromones."

I laughed at the thought. "That's a nice way to put it. Doesn't that happen every month, though?"

"I can smell it every time, but..." He trailed off, and I sighed.

"But things have been different in the past months." I looked up at his face and felt my own crumple. "I'm so sorry for how I was acting - "

He put his hands on my shoulders and smiled brightly. "Liz, quit apologizing."

"Maybe it makes _me _feel better," I mumbled.

His expression turned thoughtful. "Well in that case, _I'm _sorry." He smirked. "Apologize away."

He was so good at making me laugh and smile. "It's not so much that I need to apologize, it's that I think I figured out my problem. Last year..." I made a face and shook my head. "Last year was pure fucking insanity. I mean, my life is always kind of crazy, but _nothing _like that. I almost died a few times. I actually _did _die for a second or two!"

He was gripping my arms hard, gritting his teeth.

"I became rich and moved so far away from home, found out that supernatural shit is for real, I met you... And that's a whole 'nother story. But anyways, by the time things were all calmed down, I was a different person. I think I'm actually a _better _person because of everything that's happened, I just had to take all that time to recover from it."

He nodded. "I know. I hated that you were suddenly an introvert and were so unhappy, but I think we both knew you'd pull out of it. You just needed time to heal."

I smiled at him. "Seth, you're amazing. I love you." I rolled onto the tips of my toes and pecked his lips.

"I love you," he said in one sharp exhale. His eyes held mine for a moment and he said, "Are you high?"

I tried to read his expression to tell if he was mad; He seemed to think it was more funny than anything else. "I have cramps," I pouted.

"Don't make that stuff a habit again, babe." I would call it a demand, but his voice was so soft that it didn't feel stern; He knew how rebellious I would get if he treated me a certain way. Finding true love has perks that you wouldn't even believe.

"I swear, I won't." And I absolutely meant it. This wasn't who I was anymore. Now, I had no issue with puffing down or drinking sometimes, but I just didn't feel right about raising hell like I used to. I'd been a bad, bad girl for a long stretch of my short life... Didn't it _have _to be time to leave the party behind? Not that I didn't still have it in me...

"I'm not trying to fuck around with this kind of stuff anymore." I smiled menacingly at him. "But I think I have another good party or two in my future."

He started leading me back up to the house. "Am I invited to these parties?"

I looked at him as if I were appalled. "You'd be the Co-Guest of Honor! "

He was laughing as he swung the door open and followed in after me.

"Hey... I thought you weren't so sure you could handle hanging out tonight," I mentioned as I dressed my tea.

The grin on his face drooped a little. "I think I'll be fine..."

"What if I make it harder for you?" I asked, choosing my words carefully. Fact was, I liked this newfound power of mine. I could recall him being a little cozier with me during that time in past months now that I thought about it, but he'd never mentioned anything.

He frowned. "Babe... Why?"

I stepped almost parallel to him, coming upon him slowly. "Seriously? Because you're incredibly gorgeous and I love you." I was at his side then, one palm flat against his burning hot chest. "And I want to have your babies."

"Liz."

I sighed and my shoulders sagged, any sense of confidence vanished post-rejection. "Okay. Let's just hang out."

I started for the livingroom, but he grabbed my wrist and moved my hand back to his chest. Our eyes met for a brief moment, his scorching down into mine. His mouth caught mine off guard, knocking the wind from me as his arms encased my body like a cocoon. His lips traveled down my chin and neck while I attempted to stop breathing so embarassingly loud.

"Wha...?" I started to ask, but his teeth nipped my throat and it came out half a moan.

He was panting and frantic looking when he backed away enough for me to see him. "I'm honestly _not _sure that I can handle it," he said before sweeping me into another kiss.

"Tell me what you mean," I finally managed to get out.

"Every instinct inside of me is _screaming _at me to... have sex with you." He seemed to change what he was saying halfway through the sentence. "If things go too far, I can't guarantee that I won't lose control."

I ran my nails lightly down his back, making him shiver. "I wish you knew how much I liked the sound of that."

I was so excited that I felt like I might jump right out of my skin. I couldn't believe that I was starting to crack him, and I was so keyed up that my entire frame was literally trembling. He could feel my body sweating and shaking and it excited him further - He lifted me up and stepped forward until my butt was planted on the countertop.

What difference did it make if we did it now instead of waiting? We had been engaged for _seven_ months, and our wedding was only a little more than two months away. He was already kissing and touching me intimately, telling me that he wasn't sure that he could control himself and refuse me.

It had to be fucking fate or something!

He bent my knees up until my feet touched the counter and pushed me back to lean on my elbows. He became less frantic with my special girl stuff in the center of his view - He picked up my foot and started kissing the skin slowly.

"Elizabeth," he breathed sensually. "I want you _now._"

For a second, it felt like I was flying; Then I felt the soft mattress and sheets beneath me. I had a thought right on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't focus on anything but Seth. It was almost as if he were reading my thoughts, his lips, hands and body moving against me in ways that I silently begged for him to.

To imagine what our love making would amount to if we gave in tonight was almost more than I could bear. We would be like an explosive symphony, our music bending and twisting in delicate harmony. We would be more primal than the animals.

Seth relaxed on dry humping me for a moment to pull his wallet out and rummage through it. He didn't find what he was looking for - He even sniffed it.

He glanced up at me with wary puppy-dog eyes. "I don't have any protection." He dipped down and bit my nipple through the thick fabric of my hoodie, causing me to gasp in pleasure. "Do you have any, baby?"

I sighed. "No."

"Could we just go without?" He placed my hand against his enormous hard-on.

An image flashed through my mind, one of myself in a different wedding dress than the one I had chosen, my belly protruding just slightly.

Again, it was like he was reading my mind. "You _did _say that you wanted to have my babies..."

He was so tempting, a truly perfect male specimen with depth and heart and everything that I had ever wanted in my whole life. Every part of him was in tune with every part of me, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I wanted him - and his rockin' ass body - now and forever... But it wasn't right. Yet.

"I'm going to have _all_ of your babies... After we're married," I said at last, huffing the words. I put one hand over my eyes and groaned.

Seth made a sound of pure agony and collapsed on me while still holding most of his weight. His hands wrapped around my waist, grasping the skin tightly while he kissed and nuzzled my throat. "Please, Liz?" He whined, sounding close to tears.

"I _can not _believe I am doing this, I am _totally _going to regret this..." I mumbled, more to myself than to him. "Honey... we agreed to wait," I said, still panting from our experience. "And though I wouldn't mind if we slipped up once or twice before the agreed date, I just don't think tonight is best."

He pulled back enough for me to see his pained expression before laying a few light kisses to my lips and sighing. "You're right. I'm sorry." He rolled us both to the side and then sat us up before squeezing me tightly and laying his lips to my head a few more times.

We sat comfortably like that until I started to giggle hysterically. Seth tried to look at my face as I hid it, embarassed.

"Liz!" he said, laughing at me for laughing. "What in the world is so funny?"

It took me at least a full minute to calm down. "That was like... a _lifetime's supply _of willpower I just used up." I shook my head. "If I weren't bleeding and on drugs right now and was actually able to orgasm, we would be gettin' _freaky _in this motherfucker! _Damn _babe, you are persuasive when you want to be. I was about to rip these shorts off and - "

"Liz!" He said again, this time loud and objective. He gestured towards his crotch and then pleaded with his eyes.

I touched my open mouth with my hand as heat flooded my face. "Sorry," I whispered.

He stared down. "It's okay." He sat there for a moment and then jumped up. "Maybe I should go take a shower."

He stayed up all night with me, just smoking and hanging out while we watched shows and jammed out. I didn't even attempt sleep again until he had left for work since I was so incredibly wired, but the minute he was gone I conked out.

I got up again at about ten and tried to function. I had plans with Seth in an hour and a half, and then plans with him, Leah and Mark this evening. That meant I needed to get my lazy ass into the shower.

I was still kind of stoned and severely pill-hungover from my personal party the night before, but I managed to bathe and dress and make myself presentable. I actually looked kind of cute, aside from the puffiness under my eyes. I never used to look tired; I could stay up for a couple of nights hallucinating and look as refreshed as ever. That didn't seem to be the case anymore.

I finished up with some time to kill, so I laid on the couch and stared blankly at the television screen until Mark called.

"Where are we going tonight?" His voice sounded slightly frantic.

"Hello to you, too," I joked. "And I can't remember exactly. Something Orchard, something Bethel - That's all that stuck with me."

He laughed. "Bethel Tavern in Port Orchard?"

"Good job!" I congratulated.

"Yeah. So, why exactly are we going to a biker bar?"

I snorted. "I guess Leah wants to see me in my element or something."

Leah wanted to _stick _me in my element; I'd been driving her insane, along with everyone else who was close to me. She had been particularly irritated by my sudden shift in personality. She had been a little angry with me when I first came back, and then she'd forgiven me and we had been closer than ever. Then she started to bitch at me for becoming so dull... And then she had distanced herself from me. We still talked and I knew she loved me like family, but I had bored the living shit out of her.

"You're a biker?" Mark asked, and I couldn't tell if he was kidding or not.

"No, I just used to frequent their drinking establishments. You going to get shitfaced with me tonight?"

"Wouldn't that make a bad first impression?"

"It depends on if she gets plastered or not." I started pulling my boots on; I'd have to leave soon if I wanted to reach the shop before Seth clocked out for lunch.

"Does she like to party?"

"Not as much as I do. I have to go, I'm meeting Seth for lunch," I said as I grabbed my keys and checked my reflection. "Don't be nervous. Leah can be intimidating at first, but she's an awesome person. Just make sure you're a gentleman," I cautioned.

"Aw, no fair! You could've let me know sooner so I could practice, geez." He sniggered. "Have fun at lunch, I'll see you later."

I pulled up to the only auto store and shop in La Push, Call's Auto. Seth refused to take advantage of my generous financial opportunities, but some of his friends weren't so proud; Otherwise, this place would say "Clearwater" on the sign. But it was Embry's idea, and it was a good investment on all parts.

"Hey, Goldilocks!" Collin called from behind the counter as I entered the shop. He looked me over, then looked behind me. "Where's the Lexus?"

"Home. I brought the Cam today."

"Swee-eet," he said. "I always liked the Camaro better. It's a classic."

"And I'm a classy lady." I curtsied and he chuckled at me, just before Seth came in from the garage door.

His face lit up when he laid eyes on me. "Hey. You ready?"

I nodded. He walked over and put his arm around my shoulders, then walked me out to the car. He reached behind me and pulled the door open before laying his lips against mine dramatically.

"You look damn good on just a few hours sleep," he said and got in a second later.

"You look damn good on no sleep at all."

"I get a nap in at work from time to time," he leveled.

"Really?"

"No." He reached over and wrapped his hand around my thigh as we set off.

A few hours later, I was sitting at the bar of an Applebee's with Leah, tossing back shots of Jaeger and Red Bull.

"Hey," she said as she slammed her shotglass on the table. "There's a bar up the street with a mechanical bull." She stood up, then helped me balance on my own feet.

"Let's fuckin' go!" I was obliterated, and it was about five in the afternoon. I had gone drink for drink with Leah, both of us somehow forgetting that werewolves didn't get very drunk very easily. I had forgotten, anyways.

She was loving this. Not that she wanted me to be an alcoholic or anything, she was just used to me rocking out and going wild. That's who I was, damn it!

"Wait, don't we have to go meet Seth?" I asked as I stumbled through the door alongside her, arm linked through hers.

"We have time for you to ride it once." She was smiling so big that her cheeks had darkened.

We were all shits and giggles strolling - Well, Leah was strolling. I was stumbling - down the busy sidewalk. I felt like my bladder was going to burst open after a few minutes, and she actually offered to piggy-back me the rest of the way. That scenario was too funny to turn down, so I hopped on and she carried me. I made her stop just before we got to the bar, and we had some stranger take pictures of us goofing off like that - it was some old guy, and he was definitely enjoying the young female attention.

He almost fell over as we were walking inside when Leah turned back and blew a kiss to him.

We ordered some more bombs and Leah took a few more pictures of she and I on her phone.

"I'm sending these to my brother," she said, laughing. Before I could even process that, she said, "He says that I better take care of you if you're as drunk as you look."

"Where is he?" I asked off-handedly. I didn't know what time it was, if he was still at work or getting ready to come and meet us. "I see the bull!" I suddenly yelled, switching my train of thought instantaneously. No one was on it, but I was going to change that very soon.

Leah paid for my ride, giggling at me the entire time. She also videotaped it... and probably sent it to Seth, now that I think of it. Oh well. I was so wasted that I toppled off of the bull's back in probably less than a second, though I didn't understand it and didn't feel it at all. I laid there for a moment as everyone cheered and then I righted myself and crawled out of the ring.

We left just minutes later, after a few drinks and a bathroom break. I had taken the liberty of going to the liquor store before I met with Leah, so she and I were fully equipped with Jaegermeister and Red Bull, enough to drown a small army. Leah had to drive my car, so I mixed myself a glass and settled in for the hour-long ride to a biker bar.

I was fading in and out during the drive, passing out and then waking up to take a drink before passing out again. I should have stopped drinking at this point, but I just couldn't help myself. I hadn't been this out of it in too long, and my self control was nonexistent. If I was able to hear myself thinking clearly, I might have stopped. Instead, I sat down at yet another bar, a drink in one hand and a bummed smoke in the other, literally falling to pieces...

"I still can't believe it!" I was yelling, trying to hold tears in. "I mean, he's supposed to not even be able to see their faces and he..." I sniffled loudly. "And I don't even know who any of them are! One of them could be here _right now!_"

Leah hugged me to her side and pulled my drink from my hand to set on the table. She shushed me and comforted me, but she probably just wanted me to shut my drunk ass up. I was causing a scene.

"Liz, my future sister," she whispered. "Don't be sad. Seth loves you. Everyone makes mistakes." She handed me a candy bar out of nowhere, and I gobbled it down.

I started to lighten up moments later.

"You know what would make you feel better?"

"Hmm?" I asked.

"Let's go and dance. The guys will be here any minute."

I frowned at her.

"You don't want Seth to see you like this, do you?"

I shook my head no. Leah reached out and pushed the corners of my mouth up, forcing it into an odd smile. I clapped my hands against my cheeks, smoothed myself out and got my shit together. I hated being messy like that.

But I was still too drunk. _Way _too drunk...

Leah started towards the dance floor with just one of her fingers looped around one of mine. She was in the lead and much more stable than me, so of course I ended up tripping. Someone caught me and placed me back to my feet before I really knew what was going on.

"Get your hands off her," Leah suddenly snapped, just behind me.

"She almost fell!" A gruff voice answered her.

"Well, thanks for not letting her break her face, but don't get handsy with her." She pulled me to her side and held me there as we finished our very short trek.

"Baby!" I yelled, so loud that Leah cringed and plugged her ears.

Seth looked incredibly gorgeous when I spotted him walking towards me. Earlier, he'd been in cover-alls and smeared with grease. I found that look particularly sexy, but it was more based in fantasy than reality since I couldn't touch him without getting all smudgey. Tonight, he was very clean and pressed, wearing a deep brown button up and dark jeans. I could smell nothing but his manly woodsy scent as he embraced me with his arms and lips, and I was melting inside.

Mark gave me a quick hug for hello before focusing completely on Leah. Seth wrapped his big hands around my waist from behind and guided my body in time with his and the music. He was turning me on; rubbing against me, fluidly moving, tickling my neck with his nose as his breath sounded softly in my ear. I could _feel_ lust coming off of him, and he was still showing me.

He took me to the bar and we sat down together. We made small talk - all of the how was your day and follow-up questions - when a dark-skinned, dark-haired beauty came over to us, smiling her pretty little head off.

"Seth!" She said in greeting.

My eyes met hers, and my breath caught in my throat. She certainly wasn't looking at him in a _friendly _way.

Seth glanced at the girl for a few seconds. "Hi?" he responded as a question.

"Why didn't you ever call me?" My rival asked sadly. "After that night we spent together last summer, I was sure you would want to go out again soon..."

Seth looked dumbfounded. He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm kind of trying to be alone with my girlfriend..." he mumbled.

So now I was just the girlfriend again. Never mind that day that he got down on both knees and swore that he would love only me for the rest of forever as I promised the same in return. Never mind the beautiful, clear diamond that was currently sitting on my ring finger, reflecting light right into this cunt's face. I guess that stuff was just for regular people, not for big boobied bitches that he'd plowed before.

The girl finally noticed me. "Oh, I'm sorry." She extended a hand. "I'm Lailanni."

If I weren't so messed up, I would have reacted alot differently to this situation. I might have been nice or I might have beat her ass, but I wouldn't have done what I did.

My eyes felt like they were frozen in a wide open position. "Excuse me," I breathed as I got up and walked away. I looked around for Leah as I made my way to the door, but she was having a good time with Mark. So, I went out to the car alone.

I was trying so hard to figure out how to escape Seth as I crawled into the car and started chugging down my mixed drink from earlier. This would be the first place he'd search, but I couldn't really leave either. If I walked somewhere, he would just follow my scent. If I drove somewhere, I'd probably wreck before I even got out of this parking lot.

There was a loud sound of pure agony ripping through my mouth as I sobbed and shook. This pain had built and festered for a long time, and it was just now getting to be heard. I was wishing I could just die right here, right in my favorite cherry red car. I was surprised all the while, because at some point I had assured myself that I would never have to feel this way again. And to top everything off, this was happening while I was too drunk to function.

There was a tap on my window that made me jump in my seat. I saw Seth standing outside and clicked the lock on my door, then slumped back down with my drink cradled between my hands. A second later the opposite door opened and he slid into the seat next to me. I finished off the entire twenty ounces of alcohol as he sat and stared at me.

"Liz, I'm sorry about that. I didn't even recognize her."

I held my finger up in his face. "I'm going home now. Okay?"

I got out of the car and started walking down the street, dialing four-one-one to get a number of a cab. I could hear Seth right behind me, trying to get me to stop and talk to him. I was digging through my bag for my smokes when I sat down on the bus-stop bench and blinked my eyes...

When they opened less than a second later, I was no longer sitting on the bench. I wasn't even _outside! _

I felt a cigarette between my fingers and stuck it to my lips, surprised to find that it was already lit. I took in my dim surroundings; this place was familiar, but how had I gotten here?

"Liz?" Seth asked quietly.

My eyes followed his voice to the darkest corner of my basement studio. I was so confused, so angry, so inebriated that I was finding it impossible to process what was happening or what already had. How had I made it all the way to my house - and to the downstairs portion of it nonetheless - with no more than a second in time passing? If I passed out on the bench earlier and Seth brought me home, why would he lay me out down here in the floor? And with a lit cigarette in my hand?

I felt a searing pain on my stomach and reacted quickly. I had accidentally laid my hand against my belly and burned myself with the cherry of my cigarette. The burn hurt like a son of a bitch, and now I also could see that I was not wearing any pants.

"What the fuck!" I yelled, beyond frustrated. And then suddenly, I realized that this was not the first time this exact scenario had played out to me before. I had blacked out... and I had no idea what I had done during that time, however long it was.

I jumped to my feet with my stomach lurching and ran up the stairs to the bathroom. The alcohol in my system was begging to come up, but it just wasn't happening. I had to sit on the floor and let the tiles cool my skin for a few moments, and then I stood up and began to examine my reflection in the mirror.

I took my time, trying to focus on every inch to be sure there were no bruises. I was stunned to see that there were some - on my knuckles, and nowhere else. That was different than last time, at least. I pulled my robe on and decided to go out for a smoke before I had to face Seth. It was like a double edged sword; I was dying to know what had happened and how long I had been running on auto-pilot, but what I heard was sure to be terrible. Blacking out never turned out to be a good thing. I hated having big gaps of time missing from my brain.

I felt terrible. I was probably on the verge of alcohol poisoning, and sickness had overtaken my whole body. I finished my cigarette and went straight to my bed; My legs were shaking so much that I could barely walk. I was still head-burning drunk, and everything was overwhelming, depressing.

I needed something for the pain... I turned on some music and did an oxycontin without even having to leave my bed. It was kind of funny, this turn of events. Funny and dangerous.

Seth came in while I was smoking another cigarette, still sprawled out across my perfectly made bed. He didn't say anything as he crossed the room and sat down beside of me, but he didn't look upset.

"You know what I just noticed?" I asked him.

"What?"

"I fucking hate the way I re-decorated this place." I sighed as I looked around at my four walls; They were beautiful enough to be in a magazine, but reflected none of my personal taste whatsoever. I finally met Seth's eyes. "What happened tonight?"

He studied my features. "How much do you remember?"

"Not much."

He exhaled loudly and shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know... You were pissed for a while... And then you were in a really good mood... You were just drunk."

"Did I do anything crazy?"

He smirked. "Define crazy."

I smiled at him through my discomfort. "Anything really stupid?"

He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Define really stupid."

"Seth!" I giggled as I pushed at his chest. "Be serious. What time is it?"

"A little after four."

"So I was active for six straight hours that I can't remember at all. Do you know how scary that is? I have no idea what I said or what I did. I could have murdered someone and I wouldn't even _know!_"

Seth leaned back against the pillows with me. "Well, you definitely didn't commit any murders... But it was a close call on that one. You got into a fight at the bar."

I had a flash of memory, a millisecond of seeing the girl from Seth's past with her face bleeding as my fist crunched hard against her nose. She wasn't looking so pretty now, was she?

"So I got kicked out of the bar?"

"Actually, no. They made her leave and let us stay."

I braced myself. "What else?"

"Nothing notable. That was definitely the most... dramatic piece of our evening."

I sighed in relief. "I guess I'm going to have to call off work today," I realized.

"I doubt Mark would have made it either."

"Did he get horribly drunk, too?"

He angled his face and frowned deeply. "No. He went home with my sister."

I started to laugh. "Leah took him to your mom's house?"

"No, he took her to his house. That's not the point, Liz. She _just met _him!"

"And? He _just met _her, too. People have sex baby, it happens all the time. Just because you're celebate doesn't mean Leah is a freakin' nun."

"But she's my sister. I don't want to think about her like that. It's gross!"

"Quit thinking about it, then," I suggested.

He half smiled. "Okay."


	8. Strange Times

**A/N:** Hello out there! =) Well first, let me say Merry Christmas to everyone who still reads this story! (Lol) I apologize for the wait time on this chapter - My computer crashed and I lost a TON of work on this story. I have been writing in notebooks and borrowing computers just to re-write this one chapter. Lately I've been getting some regular use out of someone else's lap-top, so hopefully it won't take as long from here on out. Wish me luck!

Very special Thank You's! to my three reviewers for the kind words of encouragement. I hope you keep reading and enjoying my work! =)

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><p><strong>Chapter Eight- Strange Times<strong>

I was standing in a house I didn't really recognize, sipping a glass of Coca-Cola and making some kind of deal with a very old lady. She had a shotgun over her shoulder and started to ask me if I'd like a freshly baked peanut butter cookie when music began to fill the room. Everything started drifting away from me, and it was just seconds before I was struggling to remember what had just been happening to and around me. I sat up and instantly felt awake and happy, so I stretched and sang along to the CD I'd fallen asleep to as I danced my way down the hall to the bathroom.

I made myself a small breakfast and followed Luna outside so that I could soak up the beautiful sunshine while she played in the yard. Today was the first of July, which meant that I could say hello to the sun a little more often than what I'd grown used to. Seth laughed at me when he got to see how excited I got over being able to wear shorts again.

My phone received a text from Ana saying that she was on my street, so I sent her one back telling her to come around back. I couldn't believe she was already out and about when I had just woken up ten minutes ago. She and I had been partying it up a little for the past month, resulting in alot of sick days at work and weekends sleeping in. I had actually just gone ahead and worked things around with my boss so that I could work from home half of the week. My motivation for this request hadn't been the best thing, but it had turned out great so far - Mark and I were finished with every tiny detail of that party... Except for the band. His taste in music was as vast, yet still as picky, as mine. He couldn't decide on any one band.

Ana was trying to hire someone to run the shop for her but was lacking in funds and applicants. She'd been dragging herself to work as much as possible, but even I had caught her sleeping with her head on the counter. That's no big deal when you're in class or something, but she could be robbed if she kept up these extremely odd hours.

"Hey, hun!" Her voice called from the foot of my stairs, followed by her quick steps. She plopped her bag at her feet and sat beside of me, giving me a hug and a kiss.

"What's got you so giddy this morning?" I asked her with a giggle.

"It's a beautiful day..." She replied casually as she dug something out from between her boobs. She unrolled a clear sandwich bag with a flick of her wrist and smiled wide. "And I have these."

I snatched the bag and examined it's contents, growing more excited. "The green jellies," I whispered dramatically before I jumped to my feet."Let's drop these right now!"

Ana hopped up right behind me. "Let's fuckin' do it," she said with a nod.

We dropped right there on the porch, and then I rushed into the shower so that I would be ready to do whatever I felt when it kicked in. I was in my room with Ana, blow drying my hair while we listened to music when I realized that I had plans for the day... Plans that weren't conducive to being on psychedelics. I wasn't feeling the effects yet, but the acid was already in my system, seeping it's way into my brain; There was no turning back on this shit.

I finished fixing my hair and sat down with Ana. "I was supposed to go see Alice today," I managed to say with a straight face. I could feel my pupils growing wider, the chemicals in my brain shifting extremes.

"Can you cancel?" She lit a joint and passed it to me.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'll call her in a little while."

"Let's go walk around in the woods!" Ana scrambled to her feet and slipped her shoes back on. I followed her out, and so began another adventure of ours.

We lost track of time as we strolled and ran and climbed through the trees that surrounded my home, photographing and videotaping everything from ourselves to the scenery to the wierdest looking spiders either of us had ever encountered. Luna tagged along to play and entertain us, and we didn't even think of turning back until the sun was high in the sky... That was also when we both realized we'd forgotten our phones back at my place.

We were tripping pretty hard, and we hadn't been paying attention to where we were going. I took in our surroundings, fear creeping up my spine as Ana did exactly the same. The drugs gave us a real connection - we were sharing emotions unspoken.

I sighed. "What now?"

Ana spun around to look in every direction for a moment. "Oh, no..." Her breathing became erratic as she spun quicker, and when she stopped her eyes were wild. "Everything looks the same! What are we going to do? Oh, Liz... These woods probably go on for hundreds of miles!"

"Okay, calm down." I took both of her hands and led her to a boulder that was large and flat enough for her to sit on. I eased her head down between her knees and rubbed her back. "Just try to relax..." I whispered.

It didn't seem to be working. "Yell for Seth!" She said frantically. She lifted her head back up to yell, "JOSH!" at the top of her lungs before returning to the upright fetal position and rocking back and forth.

"Ana, you need to fucking chill out and _breathe!_" I chastised. She was freaking me out a little, too. "I'll yell for both of them, you just try to not have a panic attack. Okay?"

She nodded as she rocked.

"Seth! Josh! Seth!"

"Put some more voice into it!" Ana wailed before she rocked herself right onto the ground. I helped her back to her seat before resuming what I thought was a pointless endeavor.

"SETH! JOSH!" I kept on, screaming into the brilliant jade forest. I felt rude for disturbing the nature like this, but my effort paid off - Two wolves appeared before us after no more than five minutes.

Now, don't get me wrong, I always thought the wolf thing was amazing. I would even have to say that it was the coolest thing I had ever seen in my life... Until now.

There was no way to fully describe the image that my eyes were taking in. I could literally see and feel the pure magic rolling off of them, surrounding them and flowing through them. There was a majesty and spirituality here that I had never grasped before, something that inspired so much hope and faith and happiness inside of me that I could barely contain it. Ana and I shared a glance to tell eachother that we were on the same page, that we were viewing something too magnificent for words.

"Will you guys give us a ride back to my place?" I asked suddenly, and then felt a surge of embarassment. Who was I to ask a favor of such a being?

The wolves exchanged a look and what appeared to be a smile before nodding their okay's. They lowered themselves to the ground, and Ana and I climbed aboard.

I leaned forward to whisper into Seth's ear. "Baby... Will you go _super_ fast? _Please?_"

He let out a little yip and practically took flight as I gripped his fur with my hands and his sides with my thighs.

There was that initial reaction of fear; I had never moved this fast in my life. The wind was whipping my hair all over and pushing against me as if it wanted me to fall, but I quickly reminded myself that Seth would never let anything hurt me, and I relaxed as the scene blew past me in nothing but deep browns and jade greens. I had never felt such a rush, such a thrill... And ten seconds later it was over. I climbed down from Seth's back just inside the border of my back yard, wobbling and giggling as he shifted and dressed his bottom half. Ana and Josh appeared a moment later, and Seth and I went inside to wait on them.

Once inside, I wrapped myself around Seth like a cat in heat. He welcomed my embrace and even allowed me a mini-makeout session before he started asking questions.

"Tripping, Liz?"

I pouted like a scorned child. "Ana had saved some from an old batch of mine," I tried to explain. We had been having these conversations alot lately, the kind where I would do something stupid and he would get all disappointed in me. I knew that I deserved worse - I deserved for him to be angry at my decision making skills, but he refused to argue over any of it. I was starting to think that this reaction actually _was _worse than being yelled at.

He pecked me on the cheek and sighed. "Weren't you supposed to go to the Cullens' house today?"

I stared down at the floor. "I'll reschedule."

"You've already rescheduled at least three times, babe." He sighed again, and I lost my temper.

"Well why don't you go and plan some part about this damn wedding!" I threw my arms up in exasperation. I went to the bathroom then to get a grip; I didn't want to say everything that I was feeling right now. I didn't want to tell him that his attitude toward me lately made me feel like he thought he was superior to me. I didn't want to tell him that this whole marriage business was his idea in the first place and that I'd been the only one of us busting their ass to get everything ready in time. I didn't want to tell him that he was making me feel like shit lately more than he'd been making me feel happy. Those things were all very true, but they were also very mean.

There was a knock at the bathroom door before Ana called out, "Liz! Your phone's ringing!"

I came out and answered the unknown number, shocked at what I heard on the other line.

"Legs! _Fuck _am I glad I got ahold of you!"

I was silent for a second - I hadn't heard from him in months. "Darrell?"

"It's me," he answered.

"What up, Big D?" Ana yelled joyfully into the receiver.

He laughed. "Tell her I said hey. What are you up to, girl?"

"Uhhh, nothing really. Did you get a new phone?" The surprise still hadn't worn off.

"Yeah, it's a throw away. Listen, I'm in a bit of a bind and I need some help."

I rolled my eyes, tempted to tell him that I should have guessed. "What's going on?" I asked cautiously.

"You know how you said if I was ever out your way and needed a place to stay you would hook me up?" He asked in return.

I started to laugh. "Where the hell are you?"

"I'm in Port Angeles. Look, I know I should have asked earlier or something but I'm having a serious bout of bad luck right now. Is there any way you could help me out, Liz? _Please?_"

"Do I need to come and get you?"

"No," he answered, the smile coming through in his voice. "Just text me the address I need to get to."

I sighed as I sat down next to Seth on the love seat. "We have a situation," I told the room.

"What'd he get himself into?" Ana responded immediately.

"I don't know exactly, but he's on his way over here right now." I caught Seth's eyes snap over and burn into me from the corner of my own.

Ana gasped. _"Seriously?"_

"Would I joke about that? He's in some kind of trouble and hopped a train out here or some shit. He says he needs a place to stay for a little while..."

"What did you tell him?" Seth asked, his voice strained.

"I told him I would figure it out for him," I answered tartly.

"You didn't tell him he could stay here?"

I glared at my fiancee. "I told him a long time ago that he could stay with me any time he needed to. If I can't make other arrangements for him, then he's still welcome here. Is that a problem?" My words were like a dare of defiance, and he was about to say something that would surely push us into fight territory. Luckily, Ana saved the day.

"Wait, I know!" She actually leapt from the couch she was so excited. "He can stay at my apartment!"

"You going to make him work for you?" I asked, glad she'd solved the problem before an argument ensued.

"You bet your ass I am. This is perfect!" She smiled at Josh all dreamy eyed. "Now I can move in with you and still keep the store running."

They shared a moment while I reluctantly looked over at Seth. "That turned out well," I mumbled to him.

He seemed relieved as he nodded.

"What time should he be getting here?" Ana asked.

"About an hour," I told her.

"Well, Josh and I are going to run to the store, but we'll be back when he's here." They both got to their feet and she gathered her bag. "I'll call you in an hour." We had our goodbye's and they set off.

As soon as the door was shut behind them, tension set in. Seth and I's relationship had been teetering on the edge of something neither of us was ready to face just yet. I was uncomfortable, almost frightened at the prospect of spending time with him right now, because I couldn't just smile my way through everything when it came to him. Though things between us were a bit chilly right now, the fact was that he would always be the one I was closest to. That made it a double-edged sword, because I couldn't wear a mask for him anymore.

I wandered to the kitchen and stood at the sink, filling and drinking my glass of water. He came from behind and wrapped his arms around me, buried his face into my hair.

"I'm sorry," he breathed into my ear.

"For what?"

"For whatever I'm doing that's been bothering you so much."

I turned in his arms to see his face. "Okay," I shrugged with indifference. I appreciated the gesture, but I didn't like an apology that lacked explanation and understanding.

As always, he knew me too well. "Maybe it would help if you started telling me what I'm doing wrong," he suggested. "I know you hate being pushed but I can tell I'm getting on your nerves and there's no way for me to stop until I know what's going on in your mind."

I cocked an eyebrow at him. "I'm not the only one here that's been dropping the ball on communication. Why don't you tell me what _I _have been doing wrong?"

He looked away, pain in his eyes. "I hate fighting with you..." he said evasively.

"Well then, you had better avoid that at all costs," I answered sarcastically. As long as he wasn't willing to budge, neither was I. I moved around him and made myself comfortable in front of the television, wondering how long it would be before everyone was gathered back over here. My buzz had peaked and was fading slowly, so I wanted to enjoy what was left of it. Seth came in and reclined in his favorite chair, still not addressing what was going on between us. It was hard to believe we were scheduled to commit ourselves to one another for eternity in just a month and we couldn't even be up front with eachother about a few negative feelings.

It took all of two minutes for me to give in. I muted the t.v. as I sat up. "You know what? If you're not going to say it, then I will. You think you're better than me, don't you?"

His jaw literally dropped. "What?" he finally spoke.

"Every time I do something that you don't like, you just nod your head and sigh about it. You fucking look down on me!"

"Whoa, whoa," he said as he waved his hands for me to stop. "I _do not _think that I am better than you, Liz. I never meant for you to get the impression that I did, either. I just... I don't like you taking the partying as far as you do. And I don't want to treat you like a child over it by telling you what to do, so I just don't say anything. You're an adult and more than capable of handling yourself, but I worry so much about you."

"You weren't happy with me when I wasn't doing anything, and you're not happy with me when I'm living like I'm used to," I pointed out.

"You just have this way of taking everything to an extreme. You're either moping around the house every day, swearing off the idea of having any fun at all or you're going out to bars every week and eating acid! I just wish you would try to find some balance." He locked his eyes to mine as his voice grew more stern. "We are getting married in thirty days, Elizabeth. What kind of wife are you going to be?"

Those last few words knocked the air out of me; I would rather have been slapped in the face. I couldn't argue with what he'd said. I couldn't even tell him that I was going to be a great wife for him, because I had never been sure of that myself. The whole reason I had shunned my usual way of life was because I was worried about that exact thing - I knew I could never deserve a man this good while I was ruining myself. There was even a chance that I would ruin him, too. Trying to change hadn't worked out the way I'd planned, and so I was back to my old ways. I knew that this was unacceptable for the place I was at in life, but having it stated back to me by Seth was Earth shattering.

I responded the only way that I could - by going to my room and crying like a baby. When I felt my bed shift from his weight minutes later, I selfishly assumed that he had come to comfort me...

I couldn't have been more wrong.

"I'm starting to think that you're not ready to be married yet. I know I pushed you into it when I brought it up, even used it to bargain with you... I tried to trap you. I should never have done that." He took a deep breathe, steadying himself. "I think we need to call off this wedding."

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><p><strong>(Seth's POV)<strong>

I began to ask myself what in the world I was thinking as her face crumpled and then her eyes blazed.

"Get out," she stated calmly.

"Liz, let me explain." My voice squeaked like I was a ten year old again. The way she was looking at me sent chills down my spine.

She took a long, deep breathe as she popped each of her knuckles. "Get. Out." She didn't break eye contact for even a millisecond.

This was honestly the most frightened I had ever felt in my life.

The thought of leaving things like this for any length of time was torturous, but I had to do as she said. I think my words had triggered something in her... Something that could result in her murdering me. I'm not sure my super healing ability would work if she happened to chop my head off or something. I turned tail and took off out of there, my head spinning with not only my own emotions, but the wild ones that I had just conjured into Liz. It broke my heart to leave her, so I had to compromise with myself; I stuck close to her house and decided to write her a letter tonight that I would leave for her to find in the morning. I had to give her some time to cool off.

As I laid in the trees, I thought over my reasoning for calling off the wedding. I know it seemed like the wrong way to go about things, but I was only doing this to make Liz happy, for now and for the rest of her life. I should never have asked her, because I _knew _she wasn't ready. The problem was that _I _was ready and it was killing me to wait. I wanted that ring on her finger, wanted to own her. There was something to Liz that was inescapable, some kind of attraction that had nothing to do with my imprinting on her. Something unattainable that I seek to possess. She had a fleeting quality to her - It was like she may disappear at any moment.

I had thought that marriage would take care of that. She would be mine, for better or worse. If we were married, she would never leave me, right?

How big of an idiot was I?

I heard a car coming closer and almost vomited. Not only had I done the most stupid thing I possibly could have done, I had managed to do it at the absolute most stupid time of all.

I actually began to cry as I watched Darrell walk through Liz's front door. I moved as close to the house as I could, trying my best to hear their conversation until someone started blaring music. I couldn't pick up anything from them besides a laugh here or there. I wanted to get away from them, but leaving would surely hurt more than staying. I sat there straining my ears helplessly as Ana and Josh pulled up and went inside. I sat near the yard the whole time they were in there, until Josh came out and phased close to where I was hiding.

_Seth, dude... _Was his first thought. He was remembering Liz from just moments ago, explaining that I had broken her heart but that she was okay.

_Wait. She said she's okay. Is she okay? What's going on with her? Anger I expected. Sadness I could understand. But she's just... okay?_

_Uh, were you trying to break her heart? _His mind was skeptical. And a little arrogant.

_Of course not. What I wanted was the chance to talk this through with her, but she booted me out._

_If she had just canceled a fairy tale wedding that you had been working on for almost a year, wouldn't you boot her out for a little while? Anyways, she says she's fine with it but she looks kind of pissed underneath that bullshit. Maybe she just didn't want all of us to see her cry._

_Do you think I could go in and talk to her?_

_She wants some space._

I turned to head back to the reservation. _Is Darrell staying with her?_

_Me and Belle are about to drop him off at the store._

I ran home in less than five minutes.

* * *

><p><strong>(Liz's POV)<strong>

"He completely blind sided me!" I yelled before spinning and jabbing my finger accusatorily. "Did he tell you anything about this?" I hissed.

"Liz, no!"

"Are you sure? _Think. Hard._"

"I _swear! _He never says a bad word about you!"

I narrowed my eyes, though I knew he wasn't lying. "Mark, you're his new best friend..."

He placed his palm on my shoulder. "Want me to talk to him for you, find out what's going on?"

I locked my steely gaze to his. "No. I want you to not get mad at me after I kill him."

He smacked himself in the forehead. "I'd hate to be Seth right now," he muttered.

I checked the time and sighed. "Sorry, I just really needed to get that off of my chest. I'm not really going to kill him." Like I could if I wanted to.

"He hurt you pretty bad. I think you deserve a good venting about it," he replied with a smirk. "I do have to ask, though. What are you two going to do now?"

I considered for a moment. "I have no clue."

"Are you going to stay with him?"

My heart ached and I had to work to keep breathing. "Can we talk about something else, please? Or better yet, let's pick one of these fucking bands."

Mark waited, shrugged his shoulders and then popped his ear buds in. I wasn't sure which I disliked more - discussing my broken relationship, or having to face my thoughts on it alone.

I didn't know if Seth wanted me anymore. I wasn't one hundred percent sure that I wanted him anymore. My heart did... My body did, too. But my mind was such a fucking mess every time my thoughts shifted towards him... Which was only every second of every day, even more so since last night. I was beginning to think that we really weren't meant to be. If we were truly soulmates, why would so many things go wrong for us? We had already been through hell and back just to get to the point that we were, and with just a few words every bit of trust and hope I had in us was shattered. If we were to try again, I would spend every second waiting for the next catastrophe instead of just enjoying what I had with him. Was it all worth it?

I couldn't stop from believing that it was. Because no matter how much he had hurt me - no matter how much he may hurt me in the future - It would hurt even more to not have him at all. If he wanted me, I couldn't deny him. Not for long, anyways.

For now, though, I needed time to myself. I couldn't let the pain from this blow slow me down, because I had alot of shit to do. My first order of business was getting Darrell back to West Virginia; He had explained to me yesterday that he had been indicted on several charges, everything from possession to assault to fucking tax evasion. That was why he'd fled his home and ended up all the way out here. I knew he didn't want to go to prison, but I still felt like he needed to just endure his punishment. He had a child coming very soon, and he needed to straighten up and be a good father. I wasn't sure how much faith I had in him to do so, but I was at least getting his ass back in the right state.

"I've got it!" Mark suddenly shrieked. He yanked the earphones from their plug so that the music filled the room.

"That's not even one of your options. Sorry."

"Are they famous? I've never heard them before."

"They're not famous, but they definitely can't play your party." My phone rang. "Speak of the devil..." I mumbled.

"I'm bored," Darrell groaned. "Come and hang out with me."

"I'm at work, D."

Mark heard me and checked his watch. "It's lunchtime," he mentioned.

"Just for a little bit? Please, please?" Darrell did sound a little desperate.

I raised my eyebrows at Mark, and he nodded his consent for me to take him where ever. "Okay, be there in a few," I said into the phone before hanging up.

"Where are we going?" Mark asked as I grabbed my keys and purse.

"To meet up with the lead singer of your new favorite band," I joked.

Darrell bear hugged me the second we were through the door. When I was back on my feet and glanced at Mark, his features had hardened and he was staring at Darrell, attempting to mask the intimidation in his eyes.

"Mark? This is Darrell," I said a bit louder and more awkward than was necessary. "D, this is my good friend Mark."

Darrell smiled and held his hand out in greeting. Mark flinched away before accepting, and I was so curious as to what the fuck had just crawled up his ass. He was acting so strange.

I poked Darrell's arm. "How's Mandy?" I asked him sarcastically.

"How's Seth?" he sneered in return. It made me smile... At least there was someone around who still had the balls to talk shit to me.

"Let's go upstairs," I suggested as I started up the first few steps. I turned to say something else but stopped when I saw how hard Mark was glaring at Darrell. "You assholes coming? I've got a blunt for us to smoke on."

The guys got comfortable in the livingroom while I grabbed some beers from the fridge for the three of us. Darrell was watching me and smiling as I came closer and sat beside of him, and he accepted his beer graciously.

"You look different, babe. Better if it's possible."

Mark snorted and Darrell ignored him.

"It's just been so long since you've seen me."

"Too long. You think you and Seth will get back together?" he asked outright.

Mark snorted again, and this time Darrell got irritated.

"Something you want to say to me, pretty boy?"

Mark finally looked up and narrowed his eyes. "Yeah. She's already spoken for."

Darrell scooted to the edge of his seat like he was ready to stand up. "Oh, yeah? By who?"

"Her fiancee," Mark said blankly.

"Well, her _fiancee _likes to shit on her from time to time and broke their engagement last night, so things change."

"He's just trying to do what's best for her!" Mark hissed through gritted teeth.

"Whoa, hey now," I interjected. "Everybody needs to just chill the fuck out. Darrell, Mark is close with Seth, he wouldn't like for me to do him wrong. And Mark, Darrell is just a little too comfortable with me after all the shit we've been through..." I glared towards D. "But he does need to stop flirting with me. There's no reason for anyone to get mad at anyone here."

"Sorry," Darrell said quietly as he relaxed into his seat again. Mark's jaw remained tense and he offered no apology for his strange behavior.

I attempted to make them get along for the next half hour or so, but Mark just wasn't having it. It was surprising to see him act this way, especially towards Darrell. I could tell that he was a little afraid of him - and rightly so - but instead of sucking up to him like most guys did, he was being brazen and acting like a dick towards him. He was lucky he met Darrell through me instead of on his own, or else D would have definitely kicked his ass by now.

As I was about to drive us back to work, I studied Mark for a moment. "What the hell was your problem back there?"

"I don't like that guy," he replied.

"You don't even know him. How could he possibly have pissed you off that bad before he even spoke a word to you?"

"He's a dick, Liz! He was looking you over like a horse at an auction house - Every time you had your back to him, he was staring at your ass!"

Some things never change. "Okay, I can see where that would piss _me _off, and piss _Seth _off, but you? You've seen guys hit on me before and never been bothered by it."

He stared angrily out the window. "He's just an ass," he muttered under his breathe.

After finishing up my seemingly endless day at work and getting myself home, I looked up towards my door to find that Seth was standing there with a dozen roses in one hand and a gift box in the other. I was so worn out from everything that I wasn't even sure that I could deal with him right this second. It seemed like a bit of an overreaction to just turn around and go somewhere else, so I sighed a few times, squared my shoulders and went towards him.

"Baby," he said as I got closer. He met me in the yard and hugged me before presenting his gifts for me and saying, "I'm so sorry about last night. I just needed to explain but everything came out all wrong and then I had to leave - "

"Seth, please. Not right now." I started for the house again.

"Liz," he said as he followed after, his voice pained. "Please don't leave me."

"You can come in with me. I just want to lay down and relax, and avoid having this conversation for right now. Is that okay?"

He looked kind of confused, then held the flowers out towards me again. I took them and even the box, and that seemed to be a satisfactory compromise in his book. Once inside, I changed into my comfiest pajamas after putting the roses in some water. I grabbed a bunch of blankets and made an awesome floor-bed in the livingroom, and Seth laid down and cuddled me as I quickly drifted off to sleep.

I woke up to him rubbing my back gently, telling me that he had made dinner for us and that if I didn't get up now then I wouldn't be able to sleep at all tonight. I was so groggy that I wasn't sure it was even possible for me to stand or move or keep my eyes open. My head would flop back to the pillow every time I tried to lift it.

"Cigarette?" I was barely able to mouth to him. He brought me a smoke and a lighter, and that woke me up enough to at least sit up. Once I puffed on it a few times, I snubbed it out and let Seth help me to my feet. I was so tired I almost felt like I'd been drugged, and my mind and movements were still all fuzzy feeling. Seth led me to the dining room where he had a lovely baked chicken dinner set out for the two of us. There was music playing low through the room and the only lighting was two candle sticks and the last few rays cast from the sun. We sat beside of eachother at the round table and he slid the box from earlier onto the wood in front of me.

I yawned and took a bite of stuffing, ignoring it. I hated to seem like a rude snob, but I didn't want any presents right now. It really is the thought that counts, and the thought behind this little box and what was inside it was, "I fucked up so I'm going to fix it with money." Yeah... Not really my thing. How could I accept something that had such a horrible memory attached to it?

Seth caught my vibe and didn't ask me to open it. Instead, he jumped to an even touchier subject. "I want to make love with you, Elizabeth."

The sound of my fork clattering to the hard wood below filled the room. He disappeared for a second and brought me back a clean one as I tried to swallow what was in my mouth. He watched me, waiting for a response to what he'd said.

"Well Seth, excuse me if I'm not in the mood this evening." I felt like laughing and crying at the same time, or maybe beating my head against a wall, but definitely not like doing the naughty.

"We don't have to tonight. We can do it whenever you want, absolutely any time."

I caught myself sniggering. "Is this like a consellation prize for me? Like, sorry I don't want to marry you anymore," I mocked, "But I bought you something pretty and you can fuck me when you want. You're not good enough to have around forever, but I'm horny now so..." Tears welled up in my eyes and I slammed both fists on the table. Thinking it was hard enough, but saying it had broken my calm. I was visibly shaking I was so worked up.

"No, baby, that's not what I meant! I just want to make you to be happy with me again!" He was growing more and more frantic, probably because I was freaking out so bad. "Liz, we can still get married, we just need to do it on your terms instead of mine. Rushing you through this is hurting you. If I would have waited until you were ready, we would be getting along and you would be happy right now."

"Seth, do you realize the implications of relinquishing control of our relationship to _me? _Me! Of all people! I'm a horrible decision maker..." I rubbed my temples with my fingertips to fight off an impending migraine. "I can't even begin to think all of this shit through," I told him honestly. "Every time I try to focus on us and our problems, I just lose it. I don't know what that means, except that I don't have any answers right now. I just have a few requests to make."

"Whatever you want," he promised.

I ran my hands over my face and through my hair. "I don't want to hear the words 'marriage' or 'wedding' in this house until I'm the one saying it." I looked down at my hand. "Should I still wear this?"

"Do you not want to?" He sounded so heartbroken.

I clasped my hands together, leaving the ring on; I hated to see that look on his face. "Can we just pretend that last night didn't happen?"

He cocked his head to the side and gawked at me. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "I guess at some point we have to face it... especially if we end up not going through with our wedding. But for now, can we just be together and be happy and forget about all of the pressure and the stress and the unbearable work load?" My anxiety was rising at thought of it all. "And can I please, _please _have a fucking vacation?"

"Wait a second... You are willing to just let me off the hook about last night... for now," he clarified skeptically. "But the catch is a vacation? Where are you wanting to go?" He thought I was trying to trick him.

I shook my head. "You misunderstand. The letting go of my anger - most of it, anyways - is simply because I love you. I want to be with you... I trust you and I know you didn't say all of that stuff just to hurt me. You made a valid point... You just did it in a rude way. And the vacation is just a trip home, partly because Darrell needs to be there and partly because I really want to go home. You can come with us if you want to."

The corners of his mouth turned up slowly until he was beaming. Her threw his arms around my entire upper body and held me tight. "You are amazing," he said dreamily. "I love you so much."

"So you accept my requests?"

"Absolutely." He slowly released me. "After this conversation, no talk of you-know-what until you're ready and initiate said talk, no more acting awkward because of my idiocy, and you want to go visit home. Right? Was there anything else?"

I thought for a second. "That's all I've got for now," I said with a shrug.

"Cool. And, uh..." He leaned back and eye-fucked me from head to toe. "Don't forget about my offer from earlier. Any time, day or night baby."

I smiled. "I'll let you know when I'm ready. I think I want to finish dinner first," I said with a laugh, motioning towards our barely touched meal.

It made his stomach growl.

We cleaned our plates then took a stroll through the darkening forest after, and by the time we arrived back I was tired enough to go to bed. Again. Seth lounged in the living room while I got ready and caught me on my way to bury my face in my pillows.

"Can I stay?"

"Of course you can," I answered with a yawn.

"Can I sleep with you?" he asked with a bit more excitement.

"Honey, I'm _so _tired - "

"Just to sleep," he interrupted to reassure me. "I just need to be close to you. You don't even have to kiss me."

I smiled at him, got onto my tip-toes to hug him and gave him a long, tender kiss. I was starting to think that I might take him for granted, and that was a mistake I was going to correct. "I'm lucky to have you," I told him.

"We're lucky to have eachother and so much love between us." He leaned forward to nuzzle my nose with his.

I beamed up at that beautiful face of his. "See, we're not doing so bad. We have problems here and there, but we've built a strong relationship, right?"

"Yeah, baby. We really have." He started backing me towards my open bedroom door. "We have grown more patient, more understanding..." He was using his sexy voice as he flicked my light off. "We learned how to trust eachother..." He scooped me up and placed me under the blankets on my side of the bed. "And we've made it through every crazy thing that's been thrown our way. We'll make it through this, Liz, and whatever else happens down the road."

I giggled as he curled up to my backside and nibbled my neck. "You know what's really crazy?"

"What, honey?" he breathed into my ear as his arm wound around my middle.

"I actually believe you. I really trust that we can make it through anything."


	9. The Beast In Me

**Chapter Nine - The Beast In Me**

"So," Ana eyed me warily."How're we going to pull this off?"

I swallowed my sip of coffee and sighed. "First, we try talking to him. If that doesn't work... Alice is coming with us."

She glanced out of the window at our side. "But it's so bright out today."

"We're not going today."

"Tonight?" she asked, her eyes growing wider. She'd grown used to the Cullens, but something about chilling with a vampire at night still ground her up. "Why don't we just ask the guys to come?"

"No. I'm not taking the chance of anyone getting hurt. We give him a couple of days, let him enjoy himself," I shrugged and then smirked at her. "And I have to get off of work so that _I _can enjoy myself."

She let her mouth hang open. "You're going?"

"Somebody has to go and make sure he doesn't take off," I reasoned. "And everyone who wants to come is invited. I already talked to Seth about it and I assumed that you would go, which means Josh will probably want to go..."

"I don't want to go!" she interrupted loudly.

I studied her expression, unable to remember a reason behind this reaction. "Okay..." I answered slowly. "Can I ask why in the hell not?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she grumbled, raising her large mug to her face for concealment.

Once we'd finished mainlining caffeine, we walked a few blocks over to a park and found a small cave to squat in. Ana lit a joint and passed it to me, and I couldn't help but to try and push an answer out of her.

"You know what this reminds me of?" I ran my hands along the damp rock wall.

She glowered at me. "You mean Grandview, the place you got shot?"

Okay, maybe not the best example. "Don't you miss our mountains and our clean air? What about your friends and family? Don't you miss our _home, _Ana Belle?"

"No!" she yelled. "I don't miss our home! That place needs to sink into the fucking ground and rot!"

I raised my eyebrows at her and blew a weed hit in her face. "I don't know you at all."

Her face dropped. "Liz..."

"Nope. I don't even want to hear it. You hate West Virginia? Well babe, guess where I'm from?"

"So am I!" she argued.

"Do you know what they call people who disown their homeland? If we were in a different country, I could cut your tongue out right now."

She got a 'What the fuck?' look on her face, at a loss for words. I backed up a few steps and left our little hideout, still looking pissed until I turned around and started laughing silently. My words were cruel, but necessary if I wanted to drag the truth out of her.

"Liz, wait!" she yelled from behind me seconds later. I gave her time to catch up, and she started pleading her case. "Look, I'm sorry, but I don't have everything that you have back there. The only friends I care to see from there are here right now. The only family I have left is my mother, and I haven't even heard from her in months." She shifted her gaze to her feet. "I lost everything that mattered to me before I came out here with you. Most of the people that I've ever loved are dead because of where they were living."

I instantly felt guilty for making her think that I was mad at her. I wrapped my arms around her and put my head on hers. "I understand honey, and I'm sorry. You don't have to come with me."

After I parted ways with Ana, I had to meet up with Mark. He claimed he had something cool to show me, and I was going over to his apartment. He'd been acting wierd the past couple of days, and Darrell had also been getting on my nerves. On the other hand, Seth and I had been getting along decently well... I was seriously considering that offer he'd made me. The strange thing about it was that I felt nervous about being with him after so long... Scared, even. Of course, some part of me realized I shouldn't be, and when the time came it was going to kick ass.

I knocked on Mark's door and waited a few seconds; He answered wearing only jeans with his boxers peeking out at me. I crossed the thresh hold into a room that reminded me of a dungeon - it was dank and dark and smelled like cigarettes, whiskey and pot. No wonder he had liked that club so much.

"Nice place," I joked.

"Ha. Ha." He smiled crookedly at me. "I thought you were coming over later. You didn't give me the chance to clean up."

I scrunched up my nose. "What is that smell? It's like... funky Cheetos... " I started to follow the smell, which led me to a tent.

"That's just, umm..." Mark started to say.

"That's a mushroom grow op!" I laughed. "Don't lie to me. I know what I'm looking at."

He let out a nervous laugh. "Want me to hook you up with some when they're ready?"

"Definitely," I said as I lit up a cigarette and leaned against the kitchen counter opposite him. "I've been receiving several complaints about you lately," I informed him.

He cocked an eyebrow. "Leah?"

I nodded. "And Seth. You always answer _my _calls... But lately, never theirs. What gives?"

He sighed. "Leah's great, I just can't have anything serious with her right now. I guess I was leading her on a bit."

"That doesn't make any sense - You are the one that wanted me to hook you up with someone. And if that's how you feel, why not tell her that instead of leaving her hanging?"

"I kind of like someone else. And I can't talk to Seth right now after what he did to you - "

"Wait. You can't be serious. You're angry with him?"

He shrugged. "Well... yeah. He's a good friend to me, but I'm closer to you and he doesn't have the best track record of treating you the way that he should."

"Mark, that's ridiculous," I started to say, but was interrupted.

"Come on. I wanted to show you something." He reached for my hand, and I eyed him suspiciously.

"Something other than the shroom tent?" I laughed before taking his hand and letting him lead me down a corridor and into a large room with high ceilings and art hanging everywhere. "Cool," I said as I looked around the vast space; There had to be at least a hundred unique pieces in this room, and none of them had gone public as far as I could tell. Mark really was talented, and he painted and drew everything from fruit baskets to portraits to fantasy scenes with fairies and dragons.

And then there were some of me.

"You've kind of been my muse the past few months," he said to me anxiously.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to react to this. Was it a friendly gesture, or was it creepy? I had to admit I would be more weirded out by the paintings and sketches if they weren't all so beautiful; He'd captured something in my appearance that I didn't see when I looked in the mirror. I stepped forward to run my fingers along a rather large portrait of myself, a work that could rival Botticelli's Birth Of Venus.

My hand was suddenly tugged hard enough that I spun sideways, and then Mark was all over me, kissing me.

I stumbled backwards, blocking him with both arms in front of my face. "Stop!" I screamed.

"But - "

"No! No buts! What the hell are you thinking?" I finally lowered my arms to cross them over my chest. It had happened so fast that I hadn't been able to stop him in time, and now I was infuriated with him.

"That's just it, Liz! I'm not thinking - I'm just _feeling. _If you could even imagine what I feel for you..."

"I _can_ imagine it, dipshit! Because I feel it for Seth!" I clacked my heels across the cherry wood floor and scooped my bag up onto my shoulder. "I am leaving!" I declared before dipping out. He was yelling after me to wait and let him explain, but I wasn't having it. I drove home fast, unable to believe what had just occured.

When I got through the door, Seth was already home and chilling on the couch. I threw my bag down as he sat up and muted the sound on the t.v.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately, warily; He could tell how mad I was by the look on my face.

"My stupid, idiot _friend, _Mark," I air-quoted the word 'friend' and growled his name, "Tried to put the moves on me just now!"

Seth stood up, remaining silent for at least a full minute as he processed. "Are you sure you didn't just misunderstand him?"

My eyes nearly popped out of my head. Where was the anger and the threats? He was supposed to be on my side!

I came towards him, and he instinctively backed away until his back hit the wall. "I don't know, how would you have taken it if someone did _this _to you?" My lips crashed into his violently.

He pushed my shoulders just enough to break my hold. "He _kissed _you?" Now there was that fire I'd expected to see in his eyes from the get-go.

"He did! And he has all these drawings and shit of me hanging up at his house!"

"He assaulted you _at his house?_" he growled. His frame began to quiver, and that was my cue to back off. I had wanted his backup because Mark had seriously made me mad, but I didn't really want anything bad to happen or for anyone to get hurt. Not over me.

"Baby... Seth, calm down," I half whispered.

His eyes snapped up and locked onto mine, burning into me. He held me like prey for a snake as he came forward, and now I was the one backing up. My feet hit the couch and I fell down onto it, and then he was repositioning me and straddling my body. He lifted my arms above my head and pinned them there, kissing my mouth and neck with the same violent edge that I'd showed him just a moment ago.

"Seth..." I moaned. I wasn't sure quite where this was going, or if I should fight it or not.

He ground his hips into me and I lost any ability to argue. Why would I not want this?

He wasn't giving me time to question him. He pushed my shirt up and started gripping at my bare skin as he licked and sucked on my throat. I was going with the flow, moving my mouth and body with his and before I knew it, he had the majority of both of our clothes off.

"Seth, wait," I finally managed to say.

"Waited long enough," he said through gritted teeth.

"We don't have any condoms," I argued reasonably.

"We'll go without," he answered immediately.

"What... uh... What if I don't want to?" I gasped out.

He slid a blazing hot finger inside of me. "I'm not asking, and I don't hear you saying no." He nipped the skin of my earlobe. "Tell me you don't want it, Liz."

I writhed and moaned as he rubbed his tip against my most sensitive part.

"Tell me no," he teased again. He waited about three seconds with no response from me, and then he eased himself in and the sounds of pleasure coming from the two of us filled the room, bouncing off every wall.

We had both spent about a year now being insanely sexually frustrated and desperately missing our intimacy. We'd also been angry with eachother off and on during that period of time; Now it was all coming out. He was careful to not be too rough, but every jerk of his hips was quick and hard, somehow made more passionate by the fact that he was holding back. We groaned and called out to eachother and God, begging for more as I held him to me with my nails deep in his skin until finally, we both came together in a burst of lustful words and shades of love.

He collapsed on top of me, a sweaty sexy mess of man. I could feel him twitching inside of me and vaguely wondered if I should be worried about our unprotected love making, but that wasn't where my mind wanted to be... I was on Cloud Nine right now, and nothing was going to bring me down, damn it.

We disentangled ourselves after some time but just to move to the bedroom where we could lie together, naked and comfortable. We were high on eachother, with permanent smiles glued to our faces and every word from our mouths a compliment or a promise of love.

"I'm going to piss you off more often if this is how you react," I told him.

He frowned. "What did you do after he kissed you?"

"I made him stop and yelled at him."

"How did he respond?"

I had to fight my own brain to remember. "He said he had feelings for me, but I just left."

"That asshole," Seth said as he crossed his arms behind his head, accentuating a glorious chest. "I knew he wanted you... I just didn't think he'd do that since me and him started hanging out so much." He turned his head to glower at me. "No more spending alone time with him from now on."

"No shit," I agreed. "I don't want to spend any time with him at all."

"You're going to have to, babe. You're working for him until after the... Until mid-August."

I giggled since he'd stopped himself from saying 'wedding', just like I'd asked. I loved that he went out of his way to respect me. "I'll work something out," I said as I heard my phone going off from the other room. I ignored it; The only person I wanted to give attention to at the moment was sitting right here. It kept ringing and ringing and I kept on ignoring it, but Seth was getting annoyed. He hopped out of bed - still naked, which I enjoyed immensely - to go and answer it.

"Well, if it isn't the asshole that tried to steal my girl today..." I heard him starting the conversation. I wrapped myself up and went to the living room, wondering how to handle this situation - or if I needed to do anything at all. Seth had the right to be pissed at Mark. I had already told him to fuck off, but Seth deserved the chance to speak his mind on it, too.

I expected some yelling... or at least more talking, but he was mostly just sighing and nodding now. "Okay. I'll be there." He hung up the phone and tossed it right back into my bag.

"You'll be where?" I asked, staring at him.

"He says I have the right to beat his ass, which I'm not going to argue. He wants me to meet him near his house."

"And... You're just going? Don't you think that it's a bit out of the ordinary for someone to call you and tell you to meet them to beat _them _up?" Sounded like a ploy to me, though I couldn't figure out what in the world Mark could think he would get out of this.

"Maybe, but what could he really do to me?" I followed him back to my room where he started dressing himself. "I'd rather just go ahead and get this over with."

"What are you going to do to him?"

He eyed me. "I have to hit him, Liz. He was supposed to be my friend and he disrespected me."

I sank down until my ass hit the bed, unsure of how I felt about this. An hour ago, I would have let Seth decapitate Mark if he'd wanted to, but now my anger had subsided.

Seth pulled a clean t-shirt over his head - My t-shirt, actually. He better not come back with blood on it. "You coming with me?"

I stared at him blankly and shook my head. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head before turning and walking away.

He stopped in the doorway. "Is this going to cause us problems?" he asked softly.

He wanted my permission, and I had to give it to him. He was a man and shouldn't have to answer to me for every little thing, right? "Do what you've got to do," I told him.

I heard the door shut behind him seconds later, and that was about the moment that I curled up on my side and totally conked out. I had been incredibly tired the past couple of days, even more so than usual. I might wonder why that was if I could stay awake long enough to contemplate it.

Seth woke me up when he came home as he sat down close to me. I immediately flicked the light by my bed on and examined his clothes, then his hands and face. No blood, nothing out of place.

"What happened?" I mumbled groggily.

He smirked. "Did what I had to," he replied airily.

I frowned at him and crawled out of the bed, pulling on whatever over sized shirt was closest to me. I had to go outside and smoke, because nicotine seemed to be the one thing that got me from half-awake to fully conscious anymore. Seth met me on the back porch and wrapped me up in his arms from behind while I puffed down.

"I didn't hurt him bad," he said from just above my head. "And I helped him up after."

I laughed once to myself. "We're something else," I commented. "How many fights do we have between the two of us since we met?"

He chuckled. "Just two for me. At least three for you."

I turned in his arms to face him. "We're so badass," I teased.

He leaned in and touched his petal soft lips to mine. "Actually, your ass is perfect."

We went in and made love for a few more hours, well into the night. I slept and dreamed a few hours, and had a new resolve once I was headed to work in the morning.

I knocked on Sharon's office door before walking in.

"Elizabeth, hi!" she greeted me cheerily before taking in whatever expression I was wearing; I imagined it to be some mix of nervousness and fear. "Everything alright, dear?"

"Well... no."

Her face turned sympathetic. "Well sit down, honey. Tell me what's going on."

I had considered telling her about what had happened with Mark, but he wasn't the real problem. "I'm putting in my resignation," I told her.

Her face visibly paled. "Why?"

I sighed. "I don't really need this job. I don't need a job at all with a bank account as handsome as mine," I bragged. "It's just unwanted, unneeded stress."

"But, Liz!" she cried, using the shortened form of my name for probably the very first time. "You're one of my best! And I have you on our biggest account for the whole year! St. Claire loves you, he's not going to take anyone else!"

I held up a finger. "I'll finish Mark's party, and the three smaller ones before I go. I wouldn't just leave you hanging like that."

She breathed a long sigh of relief and considered. "Are you sure that this is what you want? I always assumed you would be next in line for my position."

"This is the right choice for me."

She sighed again. "Will you be finishing things up from here, or from home?"

"I think I'll do both, if that's alright with you."

She sighed again and stood up. "So long as our clients are happy. I'm really going to miss you, dear."

As soon as I wrapped up the quitting of my job, I headed over to see Darrell at Ana's store. He was flicking a paper football in between two books set up as goal posts when I walked in.

"Legs!" he yelled excitedly and came running for a hug. "Why aren't you at work?" he asked when he set me back on my feet.

"I just quit my job," I told him, smiling. I really was proud of myself, however obtuse it seemed.

He smirked. "Get tired of that puppy dog sniffing your ass all day?"

I didn't want to explain about Mark. "I don't want a regular job. I want to sell stuff that I make and play music. I want my damn freedom."

"What are you going to do when you're broke?"

"I won't go broke. I have stocks."

He nodded. "Let's go upstairs and smoke us one... to celebrate your newfound unemployment," he sniggered.

He offered me a beer once we'd reached the loft. "No, thanks," I told him. "But do you have any antacids? I have some killer heartburn today."

He shrugged. "You'd know where to find that better than me."

I checked a few cabinets but had to settle for dissolved baking soda in water. I joined him in front of the t.v. and decided it was time for us to talk.

"Darrell, you need to go home."

He blew his hit out in a huff as I took the joint from his fingertips. "What the hell?"

"You're a fugitive from the Federal government. They're going to find you at some point. Meanwhile, you're out here bullshitting around while your pregnant girlfriend holds down the fort back there. You know Mandy still calls me, right?"

His jaw set stubbornly. "So what?"

My mouth set in a grim line. "Darrell, she's nine months pregnant. She's not your dope mule."

"Middle man!" he argued defiantly.

I pointed my finger in his face, something that I knew he really hated... It was the easiest way to hold his attention. "Are we really going to have to do this?" I lowered my hand and sat it next to his. "You always fight tooth and nail with me, but you know that I'm right. You just can't stand to back down. But it's not backing down. It's your decision to make, and I'm sure you were already considering everything that you're doing wrong."

"Ugh, why are you so hateful today?" he grumbled.

"I'm hateful every day. What's your excuse?"

He sighed for a long moment. "You're always on some crusade to make me a better person. Liz, I'm an asshole." He paused to smile devilishly. "It's kind of my thing."

"How many times have you protected just me from getting hurt?" I offered in his defense.

He raised an eyebrow and countered with, "How many times have I hurt you?"

"I can't help but to still have faith in you," I promised.

His eyes locked to mine and there was something in them that almost frightened me. "You shouldn't. I really fucked up this time."

Somehow, I just knew what he meant. I also didn't want to believe it... but it was written all over his face. "What did you do?" I whispered, my mouth too dry for sound.

He shifted his gaze to the floor and leaned his elbows on his knees. I saw his eyes squeeze shut and a tear or two falling from them. "It didn't happen how you think..."

"Darrell! It didn't happen _how _I think, but did it happen? Did you really..."

"He busted up in my house while I was sleeping! He - "

I plugged my ears and yelled. "No! Stop! Do not tell me about this! You are making me an accessory after the fact!"

He put his hands over mine and pulled. "Chill out, Liz. They already solved the case, they know it was me. They even arrested me for it... I just escaped and came here."

I gawked at him. "You were in for murder and they let you escape? Fucking prison system..." It hit me then that I was alone with a wanted killer, and I didn't particularly like that thought. "D, I have to go."

"Liz..." There was an edge to his voice.

I held my hand over my heart. "Not a word," I swore.

He searched my face and then nodded. "Call me," he said in dismissal.

I stopped my car just short of the wide open garage door and ducked inside. I was met with a whistle and a howl that was cut short and turned into a gurgle, and then my man stepped towards me.

"Babe," he called with a sweet smile on his lips.

I greeted him with a very big kiss. "Can we have lunch?" I asked. "I want to talk to you."

"Let me clock out," he answered. I was surprised he wasn't scared yet; almost everyone is when you plan a chat ahead of time.

We drove to the beach with a basket of fresh fruit and sat just a foot or so from the tide rolling in. It was a beautiful day, and the sun shining over the misty horizon was a perfect setting for what I wanted to do.

"Seth... you said that you didn't want to get married because I wasn't ready. Did you mean that?"

"Yes," he answered immediately, the sound muffled by a bite of apple.

"You're sure that you are ready?"

He nodded emphatically. "I'm sure."

I braced myself. "Then I want to have our wedding when we planned it."

He scooted up and pecked my cheek, but the look on his face was mixed. "I was hoping you would make that decision, but I have to know that you're one hundred percent on this."

"I wouldn't be saying this if I wasn't certain." I put my hands over his and held his dark eyes. "I was sure when I promised you the first time. And I know I'm crazy and a little neurotic and impulsive... But I can change. I _do _change, all the time. It's just that, one of the very few things about myself that I'm positive will never change is the way that I feel about you."

He beamed. "I know that I'm always going to love you, too. I should have had more faith in you, Liz."

I smiled, and then I sighed. "I quit my job," I announced for the second time today. I was confident that I'd made the right decision, but I wasn't so sure that he would see it that way. This wasn't the best thing to say right after promising to not be as impulsive.

"Why? Because of Mark?"

I shook my head. "No. I would have quit had that situation occured or not. It's just not me, I'm not into the rat-race thing. If it wasn't for you, I would rather be couch hopping and making a living playing my guitar on the street or dealing dope or whatever. Since I've got you, we have to have a permanent home and money to live off of for now and into the future since we want kids. But the thing is, I don't need to work a nine to five to make that happen. I've got money rolling in from investments."

"And I have a job," he added.

"And I know of all kinds of other ways to make money besides having a regular job - legal ways. Whenever we do decide to have kids, I'll be able to stay home and raise them."

He shook slightly with laughter. "You could sell a pile of poop if you set your mind to it," he teased. "It does make sense, though. There's no reason for you to keep doing something you're unhappy with if it's not necessary."

"So... you aren't mad?"

"Nope. I might get mad though, if you don't come here and give me some lovin' before I have to go back to the shop."

After I drove Seth back to work, I returned to the beach for some quiet time to myself. I had alot to think about, both good and bad. I was so glad that things were settled between Seth and I. Again. Part of me almost believed we needed those hard, dramatic times to come back to the same realization that there was just no shaking this thing between us. I thought about Mark, about him claiming that he had feelings for me and I wondered when that had happened. When did it become impossible for a guy to just be my friend? And of course that question made me think of Darrell, though not immediately in the horrible way I had seen him this morning.

I was very conflicted about him... Always had been to some extent, but this was a whole new level. I had always seen both sides of Darrell - they were pretty hard to miss. There had always been something about him that attracted me, not in a romantic or sexual way, but just in a basic human way... and I'd be lying to myself if I thought that attraction was exclusive to his good side.

Now that I was considering it, it was more the darkness that had kept me so close to him over the years. I covered that by trying to somehow "fix" him, make him into a better and nicer person, and I genuinely wanted those things for him but the change would surely have made me lose some amount of interest. Of course, it was the duality - not the darkness or the light alone, but both of them together - that really made him so special to me. He was the most exaggerated personality I had ever known, with the exception of myself. I guess he had kind of outdone me now, though.

Many times I had called him a monster, out of anger or hurt. Is that what he was now, in a very real way? This wasn't anything like him being mean or calling me a name, this was even miles past him beating someone's teeth in over something stupid. He had taken a life.

Was it his first? I wasn't sure. I'd heard rumors about him over the years, and some people would argue that he had done this before. Had I opened myself up to a killer, years and years ago?

The funniest part of this, and also the part that I was struggling with the most, was that he didn't scare me; He didn't feel any different. Anyone else would have become something unknown to me once they crossed that line, but Darrell was still just Darrell... A sweet devil.

"Can we talk?"

I jumped and screeched as sand went flying around me. "Oh, geez..." I whispered as I tried to regain control of myself. I looked up at the figure above me. "What do you want?"

He sat cross-legged beside of me, butt in the sand. "I'm sorry about what I did. It was really stupid."

I could see his swollen lip now and almost felt bad about it. In a roundabout way, I had put it there. I didn't know what to say to him, so I went back to staring off into the sky and ocean.

"Okay," he restarted. "The thing is, I do have some feelings for you. And you may disagree with me, but I think if you hadn't already found your soul mate, you would return those feelings. But that's besides the point. My feelings for you would be alot stronger... if I hadn't already found my soul mate, too."

He could see the confusion in my eyes and he thought it was over whatever he was getting at. It was really over the term 'soul mate', though I had to realize that it wasn't a phrase exclusive to imprinting. People said that shit all the time.

"I had the _perfect _girl. I mean, she was flawed like anyone but to me..." His gaze was far away, in a whole other place and time... until he shook himself back to now. "And I lost her, which is fitting because she deserved way better than anything I could ever offer. Now _you,_" he paused to study me in awe, "You are the only human being that has really reminded me of her. You two look very similar, but the way that you talk and act and _think_ even... You're the only person I've known that makes me even close to as happy as she did."

He pulled his wallet from a back pocket and removed a picture inside before setting it into my open palm. It was almost frightening how much the blonde-haired, blue-eyed love of Mark's life looked like me, even down to the clothing. On the back of the photograph in faded blue ink was her name and the date: "Krystal - The day we met."

I stared at her for a long time. "Why are you telling me all of this?" I finally asked.

"Because you're my best friend, and I hate myself for ruining that. I thought maybe if you understood, you could forgive me."

I sighed. "I forgive you... and I understand where you're coming from, too. I've misplaced feelings before."

"Seth forgave me, too. Did he tell you?"

"Yeah. He's too good-natured to hold a grudge."

"I'm so jealous of him... He really is a great guy. Even when I try to think otherwise, I'm unconvincing," he chuckled. "If I could change anything, it would be the way that I treated her. I'd want to be more like Seth is to you. Then maybe I would still have her."

"Mark, if you love her, then go and get her. What's the point of sulking about it if you're not even going to try?"

"I fucked up too bad with her. I want her to be happy... and if that means me being miserable, I'll take it."

"Do you know for certain that she's happy?"

His eyes snapped to mine. "No, but - "

"What if she's sitting down with her best friend right this second, telling them how much she misses you?"

"She left me, and she knows if she wanted me she could have me," he reasoned.

"How does she know that? She a fuckin' psychic?" I handed him back his picture, which he carefully tucked away. "You can't believe that your misery is giving her happiness without at least checking to see if that's the case. Ever look her up on-line or anything?"

He sighed. "No. Took me a few years - and about twenty different accounts - to get to the point that I stopped checking up on her constantly."

I pulled my phone out. "What's her last name?"

I could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves. "Seriously? You want to do this right now?"

I smiled at him. "No time like the present."


End file.
